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Not a sound from the pavement. Suddenly an explosion of lights and music fills the theatre, revealing a larger-than-life junkyard. Probing car lights tear across the darkened landscape of bottles and boxes, briefly catching the darting image of a running feline. One by one, the curious cats emerge. Tonight is the one special night each year when the tribe of Jellicle Cats reunites to celebrate who they are. The cats emerge singing of their unique abilities and special traits in a fusion of poeetry and dance. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS SOLO Are you blind when you're born? Can you see in the dark? Dare you look at a king? Would you sit on his throne? Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark? Are you cock of the walk when you're walking alone? Because jellicles are and jellicles do Jellicles do and jellicles would Jellicles would and jellicles can Jellicles can and jellicles do When you fall on your head, do you land on your feet? Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air? Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street? Do you know how to go to the heaviside layer? Because jellicles can and jellicles do Jellicles do and jellicles can Jellicles can and jellicles do Jellicles do and jellicles can Jellicles can and jellicles do Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant? Familiar with candle, with book, and with bell? Were you Whittington's friend? The Pied Piper's assistant? Have you been an alumnus of heaven and hell? Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx? Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat? Were you there when the pharaoh commissioned the Sphinx? If you were, and you are, you're a jellicle cat Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze We can turn double somersaults, bounce on a tire We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire Jellicles can and jellicles do Jellicles can and jellicles do Jellicles can and jellicles do Jellicles can and jellicles do Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Can you sing at the same time in more than one key? Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss? And can you (as cats do) begin with a 'C'? That always triumphantly brings down the house? Jellicle cats are queen of the nights Singing at astronomical heights Handling pieces from the 'Messiah' Hallelujah, angelical Choir The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat' Life to the everlasting cat! Feline, fearless, faithful and true To others who do-what Jellicles do and jellicles can Jellicles can and jellicles do Jellicle cats sing jellicle chants Jellicles old and jellicles new Jellicle song and jellicle dance Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Practical cats, dramatical cats Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats Romantical cats, Pedantical cats Critical cats, parasitical cats Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats Statistical cats and mystical cats Political cats, hypocritical cats Clerical cats, hysterical cats Cynical cats, rabbinical cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats Jellicle songs for jellicle cats But the cats are not alone. Humans (the audience) are present in the cats' private world. The cats are at first reluctant and suspicious to include others in their domain. SOLO There's a man over there with a look of surprise As much as to say well now how about that? Do I actually see with my own very eyes A man who's not heard of a jellicle cat? MAN What's a jellicle cat? ALL (Echoing) What's a jellicle cat? They are proud, however, and they explain to their human visitors who they are and reveal that cats have three different names: the one the family uses daily, the more dignified name and a secret name. It is the cat's contemplation of the latter that keeps felines in deep thought. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE NAMING OF CATS ALL (Whispering) The naming of cats is a difficult matter It isn't just one of your holiday games You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter When I tell you a cat must have three different names First of all, there's the name that the family use daily Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey All of them are sensible, everyday names But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular A name that's peculiar and more dignified Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular? Or spread out his whiskers or cherish his pride? Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum Names that never belong to more than one cat But above and beyond there's still one name left over And that is the name that you will never guess The name that no human research can discover But the cat himself knows and will never confess When you notice a cat in profound meditation The reason, I tell you, is always the same His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name His ineffable, effable, effanineffable Deep and inscrutable singular name Name, name, name, name, name, name The young and innocent white cat Victoria performs a solo dance. Munkustrap, a large grey tabby who serves as the show's narrator, explains that the Jellicle Cats meet once a year to rejoice! He also explains that they are waiting for their leader, the wise Old Deuteronomy, who will choose which one of the Jellicle Cats will this year journey to the Heavyside Layer to be reborn to a new life! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE INVITATION TO THE JELLICLE BALL ALL Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one, come all The jellicle moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the jellicle ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicles come to the jellicle ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one, come all The jellicle moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the jellicle ball Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one, come all The jellicle moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the jellicle ball SOLO Jellicle cats meet once a year At the jellicle ball where we all rejoice And the jellicle leader will soon appear And make what is known as the jellicle choice That's when Old Deuteronomy just before dawn Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife Announces the cat who can now be reborn And come back to different jellicle life Because waiting up there is the heaviside layer With wonders one jellicle only will see Jellicles ask because jellicles dare Who will it be? From this point onward, each of the cats tells his own story in song and dance, hoping to be chosen as the special cat to come back to a different Jellicle life. Munkustrap introduces Jennyanydots who sleeps and lounges all day long. But at night, she becomes a super-active nanny. She instructs the mice in music and crochet work, and keeps the cockroaches busy. The cats take this opportunity to dress up with Jenny and perform an exuberant tap dance. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE OLD GUMBIE CAT SOLO I have a gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots Her coat is of the tabby kind with tiger stripes and leopard spots All day she sits beneath the stairs or on the steps or on the mat She sits and sits and sits and that's what makes a gumbie cat That's what makes a gumbie cat FEMALE CATS But... When the day's hustle and bustle is done Then the gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun And when all the family's in bed and asleep She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice JENNYANYDOTS Their behavior's not good and their manners not nice So when she has got them lined up on the matting She teaches them music, crocheting and tatting SOLO I have a gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots The curtain cord she likes to wind and tie it into sailor knots She sits upon the windowsill or anything that's smooth and flat She sits and sits and sits and that's what makes a gumbie cat That's what makes a gumbie cat FEMALE CATS But... When the day's hustle and bustle is done Then the gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun She thinks that the cockroaches need employment To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts A troop of well disciplined helpful boy scouts With a purpose in life and a good deed to do And she's even created a beetles tattoo! For she's a jolly good fellow! JENNYANYDOTS Thank you my dears... The second cat we are introduced to is "The Rum Tum Tugger," a playful prankster that the female cats find extremely attractive. Tugger explains how fussy he can be: he wants what he doesn't have, and doesn't want what's offered to him. The one thing that he does enjoy is being the center of attention, which he is throughout the number. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE RUM TUM TUGGER ALL The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat RUM TUM TUGGER If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat If you put me in a flat, I would rather have a house If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse ALL The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat RUM TUM TUGGER And there isn't any need for me to shout it ALL For he will do as he did do RUM TUM TUGGER And there's nothing doing about it ALL The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore RUM TUM TUGGER When you let me in, then I want to go out I'm always on the wrong side of every door And as soon as I'm at home, then I'd like to get about I like to lie in the bureau drawer And I make such a fuss if I can't get out ALL The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat RUM TUM TUGGER And there isn't any need for you to doubt it ALL For he will do as he did do RUM TUM TUGGER And there's no doing anything about it ALL The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast RUM TUM TUGGER My disobliging ways are a matter of habit If you offer me fish, then I always want a feast When there isn't any fish, then I won't eat rabbit If you offer me cream, then I sniff and sneer For I only like what I find for myself So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears If you put it away on the larder shelf ALL The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing The Rum Tum Tugger RUM TUM TUGGER Doesn't care for a cuddle But I'll leap upon your lap in the middle of your sewing For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle ALL The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat RUM TUM TUGGER And there isn't any need for me to spout it ALL For he will do as he did do RUM TUM TUGGER And there's nothing doing about it! The evening takes a somber turn when the outcast figure "Grizabella, The Glamour Cat" appears. Although she is a Jellicle Cat, the rest of the tribe shun her. She had left the tribe years ago to explore the outside world. The outside world has been hard on her, however, and she who was once a beautiful and glamorous feline is now tattered and torn. Although she wants to return, the other cats are cruel, clawing and hissing at her. But Grizabella is proud, and she vows to return. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GRIZABELLA, THE GLAMOUR CAT SOLO Remark the cat who hesitates toward you In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin She haunted many a low resort Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court She flitted about the No Man's Land From "The Rising Sun" to "The Friend at Hand" And the postman sighed as he scratched his head "You'd really had thought she ought to be dead" And who would ever suppose that That was Grizabella, the glamour cat Grizabella, the glamour cat, Grizabella, the glamour cat And who would ever suppose that That was Grizabella, the glamour cat The next cat to join the proceedings is the hefty "Bustopher Jones." A large "twenty-five pounder," always clad in his signature white spats, Bustopher spends his time eating, eating and eating in one of the many English pubs and clubs that he frequents. Jennyanydots is quite besauntered with him, and helps sing his praises. He responds, to her great delight, by kissing her hand. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- BUSTOPHER JONES SOLO Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones In fact, he's remarkably fat He doesn't haunt pubs, he has eight or nine clubs For he's the St. James Street cat! He's the cat we all greet as we walk down the street In his coat of fastidious black No common-place mousers have such well cut trousers Or such an impeccable back In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is The name of this Brummell of cats And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to By Bustopher Jones in white spats BUSTOPHER JONES My visits are occasional to the senior educational And it is against the rules For any one cat to belong both to that And the joint superior schools When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry At the Siamese or at the glutton When I look full of gloom then I've lunched at the tomb On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton SOLO In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is The name of this Brummell of cats And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to By Bustopher Jones in white spats So much in this way passes Bustopher's day At one club or another he's found It can be no surprise that under our eyes He has grown unmistakably round He's a twenty-five pounder BUSTOPHER JONES Or I am a bounder SOLO And he's putting on weight every day BUSTOPHER JONES But I'm so well preserved because I've observed All my life a routine and I'd say I am still in my prime, I shall last out my time That's the word from this stoutest of cats It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall While Bustopher Jones wears white Bustopher Jones wears white Bustopher Jones wears white spats! Suddenly there is a thunderous crash, followed by the sound of police sirens and flashing red lights. The villainous cat Macavity is on the loose! The cats scatter, leaving an empty stage. Two off-stage giggles signal the entrance of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, a fun-loving, frolicking team of pranksters, always getting in trouble with the family with whom they live. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPLETEAZER SOLO The greatest magicians have something to learn From Mr. Mistoffolees conjuring turn Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were a notorious couple of cats As knockabout clowns, quick change comedians Tight-rope walkers and acrobats They had an extensive reputation Made their home in Victoria Grove That was merely their center of operation For they were incurable given to rove If the area window was found ajar And the basement looked like a field of war If a tile or two came loose on the roof Which presently ceased to be waterproof If the drawers were pulled out from bedroom chests And you couldn't find one of your winter vests Or after supper one of the girls Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!" And most of the time they left it at that Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had an unusual gift of gab They were highly efficient cat burglars As well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab They made their home in Victoria Grove They had no regular occupation They were plausible fellows who liked to engage A friendly policeman in conversation When the family assembled for Sunday dinner Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on Argentine joint, potatoes and greens Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow "I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow The joint has gone from the oven like that!" Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat! It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!" And most of the time they left it at that Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had a wonderful way Of working together And some of the time you would say it was luck And some of the time you would say it was weather They'd go through the house like a hurricane And no sober person could take his oath Was it Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer? Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both? When you heard a dining room smash Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash Or down from the library came a loud ping From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat? It was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer And there's nothing at all to be done about that!" ALL Macavity! The entire tribe rejoins as their benevolent and wise leader Old Deuteronomy arrives. The cats adore and respect him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OLD DEUTERONOMY SOLO I believe it is Old Deuteronomy ALL Well of all things can it be really No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye! My mind may be wandering but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy SOLO Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme A long while before Queen Victoria's accession Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives And more I am tempted to say ninety-nine And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives And the village is proud of him in his decline At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall The oldest inhabitant croaks: Well of all things can it be really No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye! My mind may be wandering but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy ALL Well of all things can it be really No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye! My mind may be wandering but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy Well of all things can it be really No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye! My mind may be wandering but I confess I believe it is Old Deuteronomy Well of all things can it be really No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye! OLD DEUTERONOMY My legs may be tottery, I must go slow And be careful of Old Deuteronomy Munkustrap has assembled some entertainment for Deuteronomy. The cats put on a show called "The Awful Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles together with The Marching Song of the Pollicle Dogs." In the show, which Munkustrap narrates, the cats dress up as two rival dog factions: the Pekes and the Pollicles. The two groups bark ceaselessly at each other, until they are frightened away by the great Rumpus Cat, a sleek, powerful feline. The action is intruded by yet another crash from the villainous Macavity, which sends the cats scurrying! Old Deuteronomy soothes them, as they come back one by one. It is time for "The Jellicle Ball," the great yearly dance in which all of the cats celebrate! The Jellicle Ball ALL Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one, come all The jellicle moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the jellicle ball SOLO Jellicle cats are black and white Jellicle cats are rather small Jellicle cats are merry and bright And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul Jellicle cats have cheerful faces Jellicle cats have bright black eyes We like to practice our airs and graces And wait for the jellicle moon to rise Jellicle cats develop slowly Jellicle cats are not too big Jellicle cats are roly poly We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig Until the jellicle moon appears We make our toilette and take our repose Jellicles wash behind their ears Jellicles dry between their toes Jellicle cats are black and white Jellicle cats are of moderate size Jellicles jump like a jumping jack Jellicle cats have moonlit eyes We're quiet enough in the morning hours We're quiet enough in the afternoon Reserving our terpsichorean powers To dance by the light of the jellicle moon Jellicle cats are black and white Jellicle cats (as we said) are small If it happens to be a stormy night We will practice a caper or two in the hall If it happens the sun is shining bright You would say we had nothing to do at all We are resting and saving ourselves to be right For the jellicle moon and the jellicle ball ALL Jellicle cats come out tonight Jellicle cats come one, come all The jellicle moon is shining bright Jellicles come to the jellicle ball Grizabella intrudes once more, wanting to rejoin her family and be a part of the celebration. The cats again scorn her. She is left to contemplate her "Memory" of the time before she left the tribe, when she was once young, beautiful and happy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GRIZABELLA GRIZABELLA You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin Silence-not a sound from the pavement Has the moon lost her memory She is smiling alone In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet And the wind begins to moan Every street lamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning Someone mutters and the streetlamp gutters And soon it will be morning Memory-all alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days I was beautiful then I remember the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again She yearns to be accepted, and she stretches out her hand behind her, hoping another cat will touch her. It doesn't happen. She slinks off into the night.    TABLE OF CONTENTS MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS GUS, THE THEATRE CAT "GROWLTIGER'S LAST STAND" SKIMBLESHANKS, THE RAILWAY CAT MACAVITY MR. MISTOFFOLEES MEMORY THE JOURNEY TO THE HEAVYSIDE LAYER THE AD-DRESING OF CATS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ACT II It's after the Jellicle Ball, and the cats are resting, contemplating before they resume introducing more cats. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS SOLO The moments of happiness We had the experience but missed the meaning And approach to the meaning restores the experience In a different form beyond any meaning We can assign to happiness The past experience revived in the meaning Is not the experience of one life only But of many generations Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable GRIZABELLA Moonlight Turn your face to the moonlight Let your memory lead you Open up, enter in If you find there the meaning of what happiness is Then a new life will begin "Gus The Theatre Cat" appears next. He's an aged stage actor suffering from palsy, who worked with the greatest actors of his day. Gus tells of his greatest theatrical triumphs, and yearns to do it again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GUS, THE THEATRE CAT SOLO Gus is the cat at the theatre door His name, as I ought to have told you before Is really Asparagus, and that's a fuss to pronounce That we usually call him just Gus His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats But no longer a terror to mice or to rats For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time And whenever he joins his friends at their club (Which takes place at the back of the neighboring pub) He loves to regale them, if someone else pays With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days For he once was a star of the highest degree He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree And he likes to relate his success on the halls Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls But his greatest creation as he loves to tell Was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell GUS I have played in my time every possible part And I used to know seventy speeches by heart I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag I knew how to act with my back and my tail With an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts Whether I took the lead, or in character parts I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell In the pantomime season, I never fell flat And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat But my grandest creation, as history will tell was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell SOLO Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat When some actor suggested the need for a cat GUS And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained As we did in the days when Victoria reigned They never get drilled in a regular troupe And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop SOLO And he says as he scratches himself with his claws GUS Well the theatre is certainly not what is was These modern productions are all very well But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell That moment of mystery when I made history As Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell I once crossed the stage on the telegraph wire To rescue a child when a house was on fire And I think that I still can much better than most Produce blood curdling noises to bring on the ghost And I once played Growltiger Could do it again, could do it again Could do it again In the fantasy sequence "Growltiger's Last Stand," Gus relives one such triumph, playing the pirate Growltiger. In this sequence, Growltiger, a feared feline sea captain and his amour, Griddlebone, meet an untimely end after battling a crew of Siamese sailors. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "GROWLTIGER'S LAST STAND" CHORUS Growltiger was a bravo cat who travelled on a barge In fact he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large From Gravesend up to Oxford he pursued his evil aims Rejoicing in his title of the "Terror of the Thames" His manners and appearance did not calculate to please His coat was torn and seedy, it was baggy at the knees One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why And he scowled upon a hostile world from one forbidding eye The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame At Hammersmith and Putney, people shuddered at his name They would fortify the hen house, lock up the silly goose When the rumor ran along the shore: Growltiger's on the loose! Woe to the weak canary that fluttered from its cage Woe to the pampered Pekinese, that faced Growltiger's rage Woe the bristly bandicoot that lurks on foreign ships And woe to any cat with whom Growltiger came to grips But most to cats of foreign race his hatred had been vowed To cats of foreign name and race, no quarter was allowed The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear Because it was a Siamese had mauled his missing ear Now on a peaceful summer night all nature seemed at play The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at Molsey lay All in the balmy moonlight it lay rocking on the tide And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side In the forepeak of the vessel, Growltiger stood alone Concentrating his attention on the lady Griddlebone And his raffish crew were sleeping in their barrels and their bunks As the Siamese came creeping in their sampans and their junks Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone And the lady seemed enraptured by my manly baritone Disposed to relaxation and awaiting no surprise But the moonlight shone reflected from a thousand bright blue eyes And closer still and closer the sampans circled 'round And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound The foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives And the lovers sang their last duet in danger of their lives Oh, how well I remember the old Bull and Bush Where we used to go down of a Sattaday night, Where, when anything happened, it came with a rush, For the boss, Mr. Clark, he was very polite; A very nice house, from basement to garret A very nice house. Ah, but it was the parret, The parret, the parret named Billy M'Caw, That brought all those folk to the bar. Ah! He was the life of the bar. Of a Sattaday night, we was all feeling bright, And Lily LaRose, the barmaid that was, She'd say "Billy! Billy M'Caw! Come give us, Come give us a dance on the bar." And Billy would dance on the bar, and Billy would dance on the bar. And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear, And emotion would make us all order more beer. Lily, she was a girl what had brains in her head; She wouldn't have nothick, no not that much said. If it came to an argument, or a dispute, She'd settle it offhand with the toe of her boot Or as likely as not put her fist through your eye. But when we was happy and just a bit dry, Or when we was thirsty, and just a bit sad, She would rap on the bar with that corkscrew she had And say "Billy! Billy M'Caw! Come give us a tune on your pastoral flute!" And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute, And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute. And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear, And emotion would make us all order more beer. "Billy! Billy M'Caw! Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!" Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar, And Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar. And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear, And emotion would make us all order more beer. "Billy! Billy M'Caw! Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!" Ah! He was the life of the bar. CHORUS Then Genghis gave the signal to his fierce Mongolian hordes Abandoning their sampans, the chinks they swarmed aboard Abandoning their sampans, their pullaways, their junks They battened down the hatches on the crew within their bunks Then Griddlebone she gave a screech for she was badly skeered I am sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared She probably escaped with ease I'm sure she was not drowned But a serried ring of flashing steel Growltiger did surround The ruthless foe presssed forward in stubborn rank on rank Growltiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the plank He who a hundred victims had driven to that drop At the end of all his crimes was forced to go kerflip, kerflop Oh there was joy in Wapping when the news flew through the land At Maidenhead and Henley there was dancing on the Strand Rats were roasted whole in Brentford and Victoria Dock And a day of celebration was commanded in Bangkok! GUS These modern productions are all very well But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell That moment of mystery when I made history We are pulled back to the present as "Skimbleshanks The Railway Cat" introduces himself. A friendly uncle to all of the cats, Skimbleshanks attends the trains he rides, and makes sure every detail is perfect. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SKIMBLESHANKS, THE RAILWAY CAT SOLO Skimbleshanks the railway cat, the cat of the railway train There's a whisper down the line at eleven thirty-nine When the night mail's ready to depart Saying, "Skimble, where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble We must find him or the train can't start!" SKIMBLESHANKS: All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters Would be searching high and low Saying "Skimble, where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble Then the night mail just can't go" At eleven forty-two with the signal overdue And the passengers all frantic to a man That's when I would appear and I'd saunter to the rear I'd been busy in the luggage van! ALL Then he gave one flash of his glass-green eyes And the signal went "All clear!" They'd be off at last for the northern part of the northern hemisphere! Skimbleshanks, the railway cat, the cat of the railway train SKIMBLESHANKS You might say that by and large it was me who was in charge Of the sleeping car express From the driver and the guards to the bagmen playing cards I would supervise them all more or less ALL Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces Of the travellers in the first and the third He established control by a regular patrol And he'd know at once if anything occurred He would watch you without winking and he saw what you were thinking And it's certain that he didn't approve Of hilarity and riot so that folk were very quiet When Skimble was about and on the move You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks He's a cat that couldn't be ignored So nothing went wrong on the northern mail When Skimbleshanks was aboard SKIMBLESHANKS It was very pleasant when they'd found their little den With their name written up on the door And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet on And not a speck of dust on the floor There was every sort of light you could make it dark or bright And a button you could turn to make a breeze And a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze Then the guard looked in politely and would ask you very brightly "Do you like your morning tea weak or strong?" But I just behind him and was ready to remind him For Skimble won't let anything go wrong When they crept into their cozy berth and pulled the counterpane They ought to reflect that it was very nice To know that they wouldn't be bothered by mice They can leave all that to the railway cat The cat of the railway train ALL Skimbleshanks, the railway cat, the cat of the railway train SKIMBLESHANKS In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright Every now and then I'd have a cup of tea With perhaps a drop of scotch while I was busy keeping on the watch Only stopping here and there to catch a flea They were fast asleep at Crewe And so they never knew that I was walking up and down the station They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle Where I met the stationmaster with elation They might see me at Dumfries if I summoned the police If there was anything they ought to know about When they got to Gallowgate there they did not have to wait For Skimbleshanks will help them to get out ALL And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail Which says, "I'll see you again" You'll meet without fail on the midnight mail The cat of the railway train You'll meet without fail on the midnight mail The cat of the railway train A third crash interrupts the celebration, and this time the villainous Macavity appears! Two of his henchman invade the proceedings and kidnap Old Deuteronomy! Two felines familiar with Macavity, Demeter (a frightened kitten who had been previously abducted by Macavity) and the older and more sensual Bombalurina (a goodtime girl who gets along with everyone) sing what they know of "Macavity" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MACAVITY SOLO Macavity! Macavity's a mystery cat, he's called the hidden paw For he's a master criminal who can defy the law He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare And when you reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there! You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air But I tell you once and once again Macavity's not there! Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin You would know him if you saw him for his eyes are sunken in His brow is deeply lined in thought, his head is highly domed His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed He sways his head from side to side with movements like a snake And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square But when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there! He's outwardly respectable, I know he cheats at cards And his footprints are not found in any files of Scotland Yard's And when the larder's looted or the jewel case is rifled Or when the milk is missing or another peke's been stifled Or the greenhouse glass is broken and the trellis past repair There's the wonder of the thing Macavity's not there! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity He always has an alibi and one or two to spare What ever time the deed took place Macavity wasn't there! And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time Just controls the operations: the Napoleon of crime! Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square But when a crime's discovered then Macavity Macavity, Macavity, Macavity When a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there! Macavity's not there! Macavity returns, disguised as Old Deuteronomy, but he is revealed, and he battles with Munkustrap and the other male cats. Tired and almost defeated, Macavity rigs an electrical explosion that puts out all the lights, leaving the Jellicles in the dark. ALL We have to find Old Deuteronomy The Rum Tum Tugger calls in "Mr. Mistoffelees," the original "conjuring cat" to use his magical powers to bring back their leader. Mistoffelees succeeds in getting back all of the lights, relocating Old Deuteronomy, and showing off his magic tricks, including his infamous "conjuring turn." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MR. MISTOFFOLEES SOLO You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffolees! The original conjuring cat The greatest magicians have something to learn From Mister Mistoffolees' conjuring turn And you'll all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees He is quiet, he is small, he is black From the ears to the tip of his tail He can creep through the tiniest crack He can walk on the narrowest rail He can pick any card from a pack He is equally cunning with dice He is always deceiving you into believing That he's only hunting for mice He can play any trick with a cork Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste If you look for a knife or a fork And you think it is merely misplaced You have seen it one moment and then it's gone! But you find it next week lying on the lawn And we all say ALL Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees MR. MISTOFFOLEES Well! My manner is vague and aloof You would think there was nobody shyer But voice has been heard on the roof When I was curled up by the fire And I've sometimes been heard by the fire When I was about on the roof At least they all heard that somebody purred Which is uncontestable proof of my singular magical powers And I've known the family to call me in from the garden for hours While I was asleep in the hall SOLO And not long ago this phenomenal cat Produced seven kittens right out of a hat ALL And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees SOLO And not long ago this phenomenal cat Produced seven kittens right out of a hat ALL And we all say Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees Oh! Well I never was there ever A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees SOLO Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the magical Mr. Mistoffolees! At last, the time has come for Old Deuteronomy to make the Jellicle Choice and decide which one cat will be reborn into a new Jellicle life. At that moment, Grizabella reappears. Again she recalls her "Memory" of how things used to be. She pleads to her brothers and sisters, yearning to come back to them. This time, through a greater appreciation of tolerance, the cats accept her back into the tribe. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MEMORY GRIZABELLA Daylight, see the dew on the sunflower And a rose that is fading Roses wither away Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn I am waiting for the day SOLO Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife Announces the cat who can now be reborn And come back to a different jellicle life GRIZABELLA Memory, turn your face to the moonlight Let your memory lead you Open up, enter in If you find there the meaning of what happiness is Then a new life will begin Memory, all alone in the moonlight I can smile at the old days I was beautiful then I remember the time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live again Burnt out ends of smokey days The stale cold smell of morning The streetlamp dies, another night is over Another day is dawning Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise I must think of a new life And I mustn't give in When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too And a new day will begin Sunlight, through the trees in the summer Endless masquerading Like a flower as the dawn is breaking The memory is fading Touch me, it's so easy to leave me All alone with the memory Of my days in the sun If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is Look, a new day has begun It is she who is then chosen to journey to the "Heavyside Layer" and be reborn! On a magical tire, Old Deuteronomy escorts Grizabella up to the "Heaviside Layer". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE JOURNEY TO THE HEAVYSIDE LAYER SOLO Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up up to the heaviside layer Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up up to the heaviside layer Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up up to the heaviside layer Up up up past the Russell Hotel Up up up up to the heaviside layer Up up up past the jellicle moon Up up up up to the heaviside layer Up up up past the jellicle moon Up up up up to the heaviside layer The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat' Life to the everlasting cat The Jellicle Ball has come to a conclusion, but first Old Deuteronomy instructs the human spectators in the ad-dressing of cats. And thus ends the annual celebration of cats! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE AD-DRESSING OF CATS OLD DEUTERONOMY You've heard of several kinds of cat And my opinion now is that You should need no interpreter to understand our character You've learned enough to take the view That cats are very much like you You've seen us both at work and games And learnt about our proper names Our habits and habitat But how would you ad-dress a cat? So first, your memory I'll jog And say: A cat is not a dog ALL So first, your memory I'll jog And say: A cat is not a dog OLD DEUTERONOMY With cats, some say, one rule is true Don't speak 'til you are spoken to Myself I do not hold with that I say, you should ad-dress a cat But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity You bow, and taking off your hat, ad-dress him in this form "O Cat!" Before a cat will condescend To treat you as a trusted friend Some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream And you might now and then supply Some caviar or Straussburg pie Some potted grouse or salmon paste He's sure to have his personal taste And so in time you reach your aim And call him by his name A cat's entitled to expect These evidences of respect So this is this and that is that And there's how you ad-dress a cat ALL A cat's entitled to expect These evidences of respect So this is this and that is that And there's how you ad-dress a cat!