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CATS

OVERTURE
JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS
THE NAMING OF CATS
AN INVITATION TO THE JELLICLE BALL
THE OLD GUMBIE CAT
THE RUM TUM TUGGER
GRIZABELLA, THE GLAMOUR CAT
BUSTOPHER JONES
MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPLETEASER
OLD DEUTERONOMY
GRIZABELLA
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ACT I
OVERTURE
Midnight. Not a sound from the pavement.
Suddenly an explosion of lights and music fills the theatre, revealing a larger-than-life junkyard. Probing car lights tear across the darkened landscape of bottles and boxes, briefly catching the darting image of a running feline.
One by one, the curious cats emerge. Tonight is the one special night each year when the tribe of Jellicle Cats reunites to celebrate who they are. The cats emerge singing of their unique abilities and special traits in a fusion of poeetry and dance.

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JELLICLE SONGS FOR JELLICLE CATS
SOLO

Are you blind when you're born? Can you see in the dark?
Dare you look at a king? Would you sit on his throne?
Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?
Are you cock of the walk when you're walking alone?
Because jellicles are and jellicles do
Jellicles do and jellicles would
Jellicles would and jellicles can
Jellicles can and jellicles do
When you fall on your head, do you land on your feet?
Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?
Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street?
Do you know how to go to the heaviside layer?
Because jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles do and jellicles can
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles do and jellicles can
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?
Familiar with candle, with book, and with bell?
Were you Whittington's friend? The Pied Piper's assistant?
Have you been an alumnus of heaven and hell?
Are you mean like a minx? Are you lean like a lynx?
Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat?
Were you there when the pharaoh commissioned the Sphinx?
If you were, and you are, you're a jellicle cat
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze
We can turn double somersaults, bounce on a tire
We can run up a wall, we can swing through the trees
We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Can you sing at the same time in more than one key?
Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss?
And can you (as cats do) begin with a 'C'?
That always triumphantly brings down the house?
Jellicle cats are queen of the nights
Singing at astronomical heights
Handling pieces from the 'Messiah'
Hallelujah, angelical Choir
The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat'
Life to the everlasting cat!
Feline, fearless, faithful and true
To others who do-what
Jellicles do and jellicles can
Jellicles can and jellicles do
Jellicle cats sing jellicle chants
Jellicles old and jellicles new
Jellicle song and jellicle dance
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Practical cats, dramatical cats
Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats
Oratorical cats, Delphicoracle cats
Skeptical cats, Dispeptical cats
Romantical cats, Pedantical cats
Critical cats, parasitical cats
Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats
Statistical cats and mystical cats
Political cats, hypocritical cats
Clerical cats, hysterical cats
Cynical cats, rabbinical cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for jellicle cats
But the cats are not alone. Humans (the audience) are present in the cats' private world. The cats are at first reluctant and suspicious to include others in their domain.
SOLO

There's a man over there with a look of surprise
As much as to say well now how about that?
Do I actually see with my own very eyes
A man who's not heard of a jellicle cat?
MAN

What's a jellicle cat?
ALL (Echoing)

What's a jellicle cat?
They are proud, however, and they explain to their human visitors who they are and reveal that cats have three different names: the one the family uses daily, the more dignified name and a secret name. It is the cat's contemplation of the latter that keeps felines in deep thought.
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THE NAMING OF CATS
ALL (Whispering)

The naming of cats is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three different names
First of all, there's the name that the family use daily
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey
All of them are sensible, everyday names
But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular
A name that's peculiar and more dignified
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular?
Or spread out his whiskers or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum
Names that never belong to more than one cat
But above and beyond there's still one name left over
And that is the name that you will never guess
The name that no human research can discover
But the cat himself knows and will never confess
When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is always the same
His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name
His ineffable, effable, effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name
Name, name, name, name, name, name
The young and innocent white cat Victoria performs a solo dance. Munkustrap, a large grey tabby who serves as the show's narrator, explains that the Jellicle Cats meet once a year to rejoice! He also explains that they are waiting for their leader, the wise Old Deuteronomy, who will choose which one of the Jellicle Cats will this year journey to the Heavyside Layer to be reborn to a new life!

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THE INVITATION TO THE JELLICLE BALL
ALL

Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The jellicle moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the jellicle ball
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicles come to the jellicle ball
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The jellicle moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the jellicle ball
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The jellicle moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the jellicle ball
SOLO

Jellicle cats meet once a year
At the jellicle ball where we all rejoice
And the jellicle leader will soon appear
And make what is known as the jellicle choice
That's when Old Deuteronomy just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to different jellicle life
Because waiting up there is the heaviside layer
With wonders one jellicle only will see
Jellicles ask because jellicles dare
Who will it be?
From this point onward, each of the cats tells his own story in song and dance, hoping to be chosen as the special cat to come back to a different Jellicle life.
Munkustrap introduces Jennyanydots who sleeps and lounges all day long. But at night, she becomes a super-active nanny. She instructs the mice in music and crochet work, and keeps the cockroaches busy. The cats take this opportunity to dress up with Jenny and perform an exuberant tap dance.

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THE OLD GUMBIE CAT
SOLO

I have a gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots
Her coat is of the tabby kind with tiger stripes and leopard spots
All day she sits beneath the stairs or on the steps or on the mat
She sits and sits and sits and that's what makes a gumbie cat
That's what makes a gumbie cat
FEMALE CATS

But...
When the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun
And when all the family's in bed and asleep
She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep
She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice
JENNYANYDOTS

Their behavior's not good and their manners not nice
So when she has got them lined up on the matting
She teaches them music, crocheting and tatting
SOLO

I have a gumbie cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots
The curtain cord she likes to wind and tie it into sailor knots
She sits upon the windowsill or anything that's smooth and flat
She sits and sits and sits and that's what makes a gumbie cat
That's what makes a gumbie cat
FEMALE CATS

But...
When the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the gumbie cat's work is but hardly begun
She thinks that the cockroaches need employment
To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment
So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts
A troop of well disciplined helpful boy scouts
With a purpose in life and a good deed to do
And she's even created a beetles tattoo!
For she's a jolly good fellow!
JENNYANYDOTS

Thank you my dears...
The second cat we are introduced to is "The Rum Tum Tugger," a playful prankster that the female cats find extremely attractive. Tugger explains how fussy he can be: he wants what he doesn't have, and doesn't want what's offered to him. The one thing that he does enjoy is being the center of attention, which he is throughout the number.

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THE RUM TUM TUGGER
ALL

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
RUM TUM TUGGER

If you offer me pheasant, I'd rather have grouse
If you put me in a house, I would much prefer a flat
If you put me in a flat, I would rather have a house
If you set me on a mouse, then I only want a rat
If you set me on a rat, then I'd rather chase a mouse
ALL

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
RUM TUM TUGGER

And there isn't any need for me to shout it
ALL

For he will do as he did do
RUM TUM TUGGER

And there's nothing doing about it
ALL

The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore
RUM TUM TUGGER

When you let me in, then I want to go out
I'm always on the wrong side of every door
And as soon as I'm at home, then I'd like to get about
I like to lie in the bureau drawer
And I make such a fuss if I can't get out
ALL

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
RUM TUM TUGGER

And there isn't any need for you to doubt it
ALL

For he will do as he did do
RUM TUM TUGGER

And there's no doing anything about it
ALL

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast
RUM TUM TUGGER
My disobliging ways are a matter of habit
If you offer me fish, then I always want a feast
When there isn't any fish, then I won't eat rabbit
If you offer me cream, then I sniff and sneer
For I only like what I find for myself
So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears
If you put it away on the larder shelf
ALL

The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing
The Rum Tum Tugger
RUM TUM TUGGER

Doesn't care for a cuddle
But I'll leap upon your lap in the middle of your sewing
For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle
ALL

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle
The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
RUM TUM TUGGER

And there isn't any need for me to spout it
ALL

For he will do as he did do
RUM TUM TUGGER

And there's nothing doing about it!
The evening takes a somber turn when the outcast figure "Grizabella, The Glamour Cat" appears. Although she is a Jellicle Cat, the rest of the tribe shun her. She had left the tribe years ago to explore the outside world. The outside world has been hard on her, however, and she who was once a beautiful and glamorous feline is now tattered and torn. Although she wants to return, the other cats are cruel, clawing and hissing at her. But Grizabella is proud, and she vows to return.

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GRIZABELLA, THE GLAMOUR CAT
SOLO

Remark the cat who hesitates toward you
In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin
You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin
She haunted many a low resort
Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court
She flitted about the No Man's Land
From "The Rising Sun" to "The Friend at Hand"
And the postman sighed as he scratched his head
"You'd really had thought she ought to be dead"
And who would ever suppose that
That was Grizabella, the glamour cat
Grizabella, the glamour cat, Grizabella, the glamour cat
And who would ever suppose that
That was Grizabella, the glamour cat
The next cat to join the proceedings is the hefty "Bustopher Jones." A large "twenty-five pounder," always clad in his signature white spats, Bustopher spends his time eating, eating and eating in one of the many English pubs and clubs that he frequents. Jennyanydots is quite besauntered with him, and helps sing his praises. He responds, to her great delight, by kissing her hand.

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BUSTOPHER JONES
SOLO

Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones
In fact, he's remarkably fat
He doesn't haunt pubs, he has eight or nine clubs
For he's the St. James Street cat!
He's the cat we all greet as we walk down the street
In his coat of fastidious black
No common-place mousers have such well cut trousers
Or such an impeccable back
In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats
BUSTOPHER JONES

My visits are occasional to the senior educational
And it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the joint superior schools
When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry
At the Siamese or at the glutton
When I look full of gloom then
I've lunched at the tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton
SOLO

In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats
So much in this way passes Bustopher's day
At one club or another he's found
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round
He's a twenty-five pounder
BUSTOPHER JONES

Or I am a bounder
SOLO

And he's putting on weight every day
BUSTOPHER JONES

But I'm so well preserved because I've observed
All my life a routine and I'd say
I am still in my prime, I shall last out my time
That's the word from this stoutest of cats
It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white spats!
Suddenly there is a thunderous crash, followed by the sound of police sirens and flashing red lights. The villainous cat Macavity is on the loose! The cats scatter, leaving an empty stage.
Two off-stage giggles signal the entrance of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, a fun-loving, frolicking team of pranksters, always getting in trouble with the family with whom they live.

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MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPLETEAZER
SOLO

The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffolees conjuring turn
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
They had an extensive reputation
Made their home in Victoria Grove
That was merely their center of operation
For they were incurable given to rove
If the area window was found ajar
And the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof
Which presently ceased to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from bedroom chests
And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls
Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls
Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had an unusual gift of gab
They were highly efficient cat burglars
As well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab
They made their home in Victoria Grove
They had no regular occupation
They were plausible fellows who liked to engage
A friendly policeman in conversation
When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on
Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
The joint has gone from the oven like that!"
Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had a wonderful way
Of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
They'd go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
When you heard a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!"
ALL

Macavity!
The entire tribe rejoins as their benevolent and wise leader Old Deuteronomy arrives. The cats adore and respect him.

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OLD DEUTERONOMY
SOLO
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy
ALL
Well of all things can it be really
No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye!
My mind may be wandering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy
SOLO
Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time
He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more I am tempted to say ninety-nine
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the village is proud of him in his decline
At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall
The oldest inhabitant croaks:
Well of all things can it be really
No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye!
My mind may be wandering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy
ALL
Well of all things can it be really
No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye!
My mind may be wandering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy
Well of all things can it be really
No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye!
My mind may be wandering but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy
Well of all things can it be really
No. Yes. Ho. Hi. Oh my eye!
OLD DEUTERONOMY
My legs may be tottery, I must go slow
And be careful of Old Deuteronomy
Munkustrap has assembled some entertainment for Deuteronomy. The cats put on a show called "The Awful Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles together with The Marching Song of the Pollicle Dogs." In the show, which Munkustrap narrates, the cats dress up as two rival dog factions: the Pekes and the Pollicles. The two groups bark ceaselessly at each other, until they are frightened away by the great Rumpus Cat, a sleek, powerful feline.
The action is intruded by yet another crash from the villainous Macavity, which sends the cats scurrying! Old Deuteronomy soothes them, as they come back one by one. It is time for "The Jellicle Ball," the great yearly dance in which all of the cats celebrate!
The Jellicle Ball
ALL
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The jellicle moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the jellicle ball
SOLO
Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats are rather small
Jellicle cats are merry and bright
And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul
Jellicle cats have cheerful faces
Jellicle cats have bright black eyes
We like to practice our airs and graces
And wait for the jellicle moon to rise
Jellicle cats develop slowly
Jellicle cats are not too big
Jellicle cats are roly poly
We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig
Until the jellicle moon appears
We make our toilette and take our repose
Jellicles wash behind their ears
Jellicles dry between their toes
Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats are of moderate size
Jellicles jump like a jumping jack
Jellicle cats have moonlit eyes
We're quiet enough in the morning hours
We're quiet enough in the afternoon
Reserving our terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the jellicle moon
Jellicle cats are black and white
Jellicle cats (as we said) are small
If it happens to be a stormy night
We will practice a caper or two in the hall
If it happens the sun is shining bright
You would say we had nothing to do at all
We are resting and saving ourselves to be right
For the jellicle moon and the jellicle ball
ALL
Jellicle cats come out tonight
Jellicle cats come one, come all
The jellicle moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the jellicle ball
Grizabella intrudes once more, wanting to rejoin her family and be a part of the celebration. The cats again scorn her. She is left to contemplate her "Memory" of the time before she left the tribe, when she was once young, beautiful and happy.

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GRIZABELLA
GRIZABELLA
You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin
Silence-not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Every street lamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Memory-all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
She yearns to be accepted, and she stretches out her hand behind her, hoping another cat will touch her. It doesn't happen. She slinks off into the night.   





TABLE OF CONTENTS

MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS
GUS, THE THEATRE CAT
"GROWLTIGER'S LAST STAND"
SKIMBLESHANKS, THE RAILWAY CAT
MACAVITY
MR. MISTOFFOLEES
MEMORY
THE JOURNEY TO THE HEAVYSIDE LAYER
THE AD-DRESING OF CATS


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ACT II
It's after the Jellicle Ball, and the cats are resting, contemplating before they resume introducing more cats.

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THE MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS
SOLO

The moments of happiness
We had the experience but missed the meaning
And approach to the meaning restores the experience
In a different form beyond any meaning
We can assign to happiness
The past experience revived in the meaning
Is not the experience of one life only
But of many generations
Not forgetting something that is probably quite ineffable
GRIZABELLA

Moonlight
Turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
"Gus The Theatre Cat" appears next. He's an aged stage actor suffering from palsy, who worked with the greatest actors of his day. Gus tells of his greatest theatrical triumphs, and yearns to do it again.

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GUS, THE THEATRE CAT
SOLO

Gus is the cat at the theatre door
His name, as I ought to have told you before
Is really Asparagus, and that's a fuss to pronounce
That we usually call him just Gus
His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime
Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
(Which takes place at the back of the neighboring pub)
He loves to regale them, if someone else pays
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree
And he likes to relate his success on the halls
Where the gallery once gave him seven cat calls
But his greatest creation as he loves to tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell
GUS

I have played in my time every possible part
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart
I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag
And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag
I knew how to act with my back and my tail
With an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail
I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts
Whether I took the lead, or in character parts
I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell
When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell
In the pantomime season, I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat
But my grandest creation, as history will tell
was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell
SOLO

Then, if someone will give him a toothful of gin
He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat
When some actor suggested the need for a cat
GUS

And I say now these kittens, they do not get trained
As we did in the days when Victoria reigned
They never get drilled in a regular troupe
And they think they are smart just to jump through a hoop
SOLO

And he says as he scratches himself with his claws
GUS

Well the theatre is certainly not what is was
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history
As Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell
I once crossed the stage on the telegraph wire
To rescue a child when a house was on fire
And I think that I still can much better than most
Produce blood curdling noises to bring on the ghost
And I once played Growltiger
Could do it again, could do it again
Could do it again
In the fantasy sequence "Growltiger's Last Stand," Gus relives one such triumph, playing the pirate Growltiger. In this sequence, Growltiger, a feared feline sea captain and his amour, Griddlebone, meet an untimely end after battling a crew of Siamese sailors.

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"GROWLTIGER'S LAST STAND"
CHORUS

Growltiger was a bravo cat who travelled on a barge
In fact he was the roughest cat that ever roamed at large
From Gravesend up to Oxford he pursued his evil aims
Rejoicing in his title of the "Terror of the Thames"
His manners and appearance did not calculate to please
His coat was torn and seedy, it was baggy at the knees
One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why
And he scowled upon a hostile world from one forbidding eye
The cottagers of Rotherhithe knew something of his fame
At Hammersmith and Putney, people shuddered at his name
They would fortify the hen house, lock up the silly goose
When the rumor ran along the shore: Growltiger's on the loose!
Woe to the weak canary that fluttered from its cage
Woe to the pampered Pekinese, that faced Growltiger's rage
Woe the bristly bandicoot that lurks on foreign ships
And woe to any cat with whom Growltiger came to grips
But most to cats of foreign race his hatred had been vowed
To cats of foreign name and race, no quarter was allowed
The Persian and the Siamese regarded him with fear
Because it was a Siamese had mauled his missing ear
Now on a peaceful summer night all nature seemed at play
The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at Molsey lay
All in the balmy moonlight it lay rocking on the tide
And Growltiger was disposed to show his sentimental side
In the forepeak of the vessel, Growltiger stood alone
Concentrating his attention on the lady Griddlebone
And his raffish crew were sleeping in their barrels and their bunks
As the Siamese came creeping in their sampans and their junks
Growltiger had no eye or ear for aught but Griddlebone
And the lady seemed enraptured by my manly baritone
Disposed to relaxation and awaiting no surprise
But the moonlight shone reflected from a thousand bright blue eyes
And closer still and closer the sampans circled 'round
And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound
The foe was armed with toasting forks and cruel carving knives
And the lovers sang their last duet in danger of their lives
Oh, how well I remember the old Bull and Bush
Where we used to go down of a Sattaday night,
Where, when anything happened, it came with a rush,
For the boss, Mr. Clark, he was very polite;
A very nice house, from basement to garret
A very nice house. Ah, but it was the parret,
The parret, the parret named Billy M'Caw,
That brought all those folk to the bar.
Ah! He was the life of the bar.
Of a Sattaday night, we was all feeling bright,
And Lily LaRose, the barmaid that was,
She'd say "Billy! Billy M'Caw! Come give us,
Come give us a dance on the bar."
And Billy would dance on the bar, and Billy would dance on the bar.
And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear,
And emotion would make us all order more beer.
Lily, she was a girl what had brains in her head;
She wouldn't have nothick, no not that much said.
If it came to an argument, or a dispute,
She'd settle it offhand with the toe of her boot
Or as likely as not put her fist through your eye.
But when we was happy and just a bit dry,
Or when we was thirsty, and just a bit sad,
She would rap on the bar with that corkscrew she had
And say "Billy! Billy M'Caw!
Come give us a tune on your pastoral flute!"
And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute,
And Billy'd strike up on his pastoral flute.
And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear,
And emotion would make us all order more beer.
"Billy! Billy M'Caw!
Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!"
Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar,
And Billy'd strike up on his moley guitar.
And then we'd feel balmy, in each eye a tear,
And emotion would make us all order more beer.
"Billy! Billy M'Caw!
Come give us a tune on your moley guitar!"
Ah! He was the life of the bar.
CHORUS

Then Genghis gave the signal to his fierce Mongolian hordes
Abandoning their sampans, the chinks they swarmed aboard
Abandoning their sampans, their pullaways, their junks
They battened down the hatches on the crew within their bunks
Then Griddlebone she gave a screech for she was badly skeered
I am sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared
She probably escaped with ease I'm sure she was not drowned
But a serried ring of flashing steel Growltiger did surround
The ruthless foe presssed forward in stubborn rank on rank
Growltiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the plank
He who a hundred victims had driven to that drop
At the end of all his crimes was forced to go kerflip, kerflop
Oh there was joy in Wapping when the news flew through the land
At Maidenhead and Henley there was dancing on the Strand
Rats were roasted whole in Brentford and Victoria Dock
And a day of celebration was commanded in Bangkok!
GUS

These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history
We are pulled back to the present as "Skimbleshanks The Railway Cat" introduces himself. A friendly uncle to all of the cats, Skimbleshanks attends the trains he rides, and makes sure every detail is perfect.

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SKIMBLESHANKS, THE RAILWAY CAT
SOLO

Skimbleshanks the railway cat, the cat of the railway train
There's a whisper down the line at eleven thirty-nine
When the night mail's ready to depart
Saying, "Skimble, where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble
We must find him or the train can't start!"
SKIMBLESHANKS:

All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters
Would be searching high and low
Saying "Skimble, where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble
Then the night mail just can't go"
At eleven forty-two with the signal overdue
And the passengers all frantic to a man
That's when I would appear and I'd saunter to the rear
I'd been busy in the luggage van!
ALL

Then he gave one flash of his glass-green eyes
And the signal went "All clear!"
They'd be off at last for the northern part of the northern hemisphere!
Skimbleshanks, the railway cat, the cat of the railway train
SKIMBLESHANKS

You might say that by and large it was me who was in charge
Of the sleeping car express
From the driver and the guards to the bagmen playing cards
I would supervise them all more or less
ALL

Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the travellers in the first and the third
He established control by a regular patrol
And he'd know at once if anything occurred
He would watch you without winking and he saw what you were thinking
And it's certain that he didn't approve
Of hilarity and riot so that folk were very quiet
When Skimble was about and on the move
You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks
He's a cat that couldn't be ignored
So nothing went wrong on the northern mail
When Skimbleshanks was aboard
SKIMBLESHANKS

It was very pleasant when they'd found their little den
With their name written up on the door
And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet on
And not a speck of dust on the floor
There was every sort of light you could make it dark or bright
And a button you could turn to make a breeze
And a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in
And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze
Then the guard looked in politely and would ask you very brightly
"Do you like your morning tea weak or strong?"
But I just behind him and was ready to remind him
For Skimble won't let anything go wrong
When they crept into their cozy berth and pulled the counterpane
They ought to reflect that it was very nice
To know that they wouldn't be bothered by mice
They can leave all that to the railway cat
The cat of the railway train
ALL

Skimbleshanks, the railway cat, the cat of the railway train
SKIMBLESHANKS

In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright
Every now and then I'd have a cup of tea
With perhaps a drop of scotch while I was busy keeping on the watch
Only stopping here and there to catch a flea
They were fast asleep at Crewe
And so they never knew that I was walking up and down the station
They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle
Where I met the stationmaster with elation
They might see me at Dumfries if I summoned the police
If there was anything they ought to know about
When they got to Gallowgate there they did not have to wait
For Skimbleshanks will help them to get out
ALL

And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail
Which says, "I'll see you again"
You'll meet without fail on the midnight mail
The cat of the railway train
You'll meet without fail on the midnight mail
The cat of the railway train
A third crash interrupts the celebration, and this time the villainous Macavity appears! Two of his henchman invade the proceedings and kidnap Old Deuteronomy! Two felines familiar with Macavity, Demeter (a frightened kitten who had been previously abducted by Macavity) and the older and more sensual Bombalurina (a goodtime girl who gets along with everyone) sing what they know of "Macavity"

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MACAVITY
SOLO

Macavity!
Macavity's a mystery cat, he's called the hidden paw
For he's a master criminal who can defy the law
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair
For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare
And when you reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there!
You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air
But I tell you once and once again Macavity's not there!
Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin
You would know him if you saw him for his eyes are sunken in
His brow is deeply lined in thought, his head is highly domed
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed
He sways his head from side to side with movements like a snake
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!
He's outwardly respectable, I know he cheats at cards
And his footprints are not found in any files of Scotland Yard's
And when the larder's looted or the jewel case is rifled
Or when the milk is missing or another peke's been stifled
Or the greenhouse glass is broken and the trellis past repair
There's the wonder of the thing Macavity's not there!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity
He always has an alibi and one or two to spare
What ever time the deed took place Macavity wasn't there!
And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone
Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time
Just controls the operations: the Napoleon of crime!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered then Macavity
Macavity, Macavity, Macavity
When a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!
Macavity's not there!
Macavity returns, disguised as Old Deuteronomy, but he is revealed, and he
battles with Munkustrap and the other male cats. Tired and almost defeated, Macavity rigs an electrical explosion that puts out all the lights, leaving the Jellicles in the dark.
ALL

We have to find Old Deuteronomy
The Rum Tum Tugger calls in "Mr. Mistoffelees," the original "conjuring cat"
to use his magical powers to bring back their leader. Mistoffelees succeeds in getting back all of the lights, relocating Old Deuteronomy, and showing off his magic tricks, including his infamous "conjuring turn."

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MR. MISTOFFOLEES
SOLO

You ought to ask Mr. Mistoffolees!
The original conjuring cat
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mister Mistoffolees' conjuring turn
And you'll all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
He is quiet, he is small, he is black
From the ears to the tip of his tail
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail
He can pick any card from a pack
He is equally cunning with dice
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it is merely misplaced
You have seen it one moment and then it's gone!
But you find it next week lying on the lawn
And we all say
ALL

Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
MR. MISTOFFOLEES

Well! My manner is vague and aloof
You would think there was nobody shyer
But voice has been heard on the roof
When I was curled up by the fire
And I've sometimes been heard by the fire
When I was about on the roof
At least they all heard that somebody purred
Which is uncontestable proof of my singular magical powers
And I've known the family to call me in from the garden for hours
While I was asleep in the hall
SOLO

And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat
ALL

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
SOLO

And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat
ALL

And we all say
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
Oh! Well I never was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffolees
SOLO

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the magical Mr. Mistoffolees!
At last, the time has come for Old Deuteronomy to make the Jellicle Choice and decide which one cat will be reborn into a new Jellicle life. At that moment, Grizabella reappears. Again she recalls her "Memory" of how things used to be. She pleads to her brothers and sisters, yearning to come back to them. This time, through a greater appreciation of tolerance, the cats accept her back into the tribe.

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MEMORY

GRIZABELLA

Daylight, see the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day
SOLO
Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different jellicle life
GRIZABELLA

Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin
Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Burnt out ends of smokey days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
Daylight, I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Sunlight, through the trees in the summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading
Touch me, it's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun
It is she who is then chosen to journey to the "Heavyside Layer" and be reborn! On a magical tire, Old Deuteronomy escorts Grizabella up to the "Heaviside Layer".

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THE JOURNEY TO THE HEAVYSIDE LAYER

SOLO
Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up up to the heaviside layer
Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up up to the heaviside layer
Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up up to the heaviside layer
Up up up past the Russell Hotel
Up up up up to the heaviside layer
Up up up past the jellicle moon
Up up up up to the heaviside layer
Up up up past the jellicle moon
Up up up up to the heaviside layer
The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang 'Vivat'
Life to the everlasting cat
The Jellicle Ball has come to a conclusion, but first Old Deuteronomy instructs the human spectators in the ad-dressing of cats. And thus ends the annual celebration of cats!

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THE AD-DRESSING OF CATS
OLD DEUTERONOMY

You've heard of several kinds of cat
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter to understand our character
You've learned enough to take the view
That cats are very much like you
You've seen us both at work and games
And learnt about our proper names
Our habits and habitat
But how would you ad-dress a cat?
So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: A cat is not a dog
ALL

So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: A cat is not a dog
OLD DEUTERONOMY

With cats, some say, one rule is true
Don't speak 'til you are spoken to
Myself I do not hold with that
I say, you should ad-dress a cat
But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity
You bow, and taking off your hat, ad-dress him in this form "O Cat!"
Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend
Some little token of esteem is needed, like a dish of cream
And you might now and then supply
Some caviar or Straussburg pie
Some potted grouse or salmon paste
He's sure to have his personal taste
And so in time you reach your aim
And call him by his name
A cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat
ALL

A cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat!