1776 | A Funny Thing Happened | Aida | Ain't Misbehavin' | A Little Night Music | Aladdin (Cole Porter) | Aladdin (Disney) | Alice In Wonderland (script) | Annie | Annie Get Your Gun | Anyone Can Whistle | Anything Goes | As Thousands Cheer | Aspects of Love | Assins | The Bandwagon | The Baker's Wife | The Beautiful Game | Beauty and the Beast | Bedknobs and Broomsticks | Big River | Blood Brothers | The Boyfriend | Brigadoon | Bye Bye Birdie | By Jeeves | Cabaret | Calamity Jane (stage) | Camelot (stage) | Candide | Carousel | CATS | Chess | Chicago | Children of Eden | A Chorus Line | Cinderella (R & H) | City of Angles | Company | Crazy For You | Damn Yankees | EFX | Evita | Damn Yankees | EFX | Evita | Fame | The Fantastics | Fiddler on the Roof | Finnianís Rainbow | Five Guys Named Moe | The Fix | Flower Drum Song | Follies | Footloose | Forbidden Broadway | Forbidden Broadway 2 | Forbidden Broadway Cleans Up .. | Forbidden Broadway Strikes Back | Forty Second Street | Fosse | The Full Monte | Funny Girl | Funny Lady | Gi Gi | Godspell | The Goodbye Girl | Grease | Grease 2 | Guys and Dolls | Gypsy | Hair | Hello Dolly | How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying | Into the Woods | It's a Bird, It's a Plane | Jane Eyre | Jeckel & Hyde | Jesus Christ, Superstar (stage) | JC Superstar (movie) | Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Forbidden Broadway 2
Forbidden Broadway Vol. 2 1. Opening & Who do They Know? - There's a great White Way where the white is grey and the great is only ok And the stars we toast Give themselves a roast Forbidden Broadway... Excuse me. Hey, hey, hey! What? Would you way to keep us done and try to sing a song? Don't worry. You're not bothering us. Bla, bla, bla... Hey, Hey, just a minute! You're to noisy. What's the matter? Haven't you ever done diner theatre? Yeah. How did you get this job? My brother-in law is the director. Figures. See? - Can you believe it? I saw "Les Mis" I saw "Big River" And "Phantom of the Opera" Gave me a shiver. - Can you believe it Dustin is grand And Tyne Daly socks me Seeing new shows Unbearably shocks me. - I loved the "Cats" "Sun in the Dark" And all of the great "White Zoo" - Sarah Brightman was fine. And Sting was divine. But I ask myself To light turn blue: Who? Who? Who do they know? Who do they know? Who gets them where they want to go? When a girl wants to tap dance'n'sing You will things that her talent's the thing But more likely it's whose phone shall ring Whenever she turns her lights down low. - I've never heard of anybody in the show... - Who do they know? Who do they know? Or grandpa, uncle, dad, or Paul If you happen to know them, Won't you let me show them? That I know one Who they should know? - Hell, is great! Harold Prince is in the house. Who do they know? Heddy Lamarr knew Louis B. Mayer. Who do they know? Judy and Liza were more than just friends. - Who gets them where they want to go. "Six Degrees" is a nice little play Stockard Channing blows people away Jackie Mason is great (Oy, boy, boy... I gotta talk like this... to do about my show like that) Who do they Know? Jennifer Grey is the daughter of Joel... Who do they know? Amanda Plummer loves Tammy and Chris. Old grandpa, uncle, dad or Paul. If you happen to know them Won't you let me show them? That I know one Who they should know? If you happen to know them Won't you let me show them? That I Know one Who they should know. 2. Forbidden Broadway Vol. 2 "Forbidden Broadway " Volume 2 A new decade of spoofs and hemlock Laced with arsenic and rhyme. "Forbidden Broadway volume 2 Get your Beebe's, and slings, and arrows And be a partner in crime. We'll made Mandy chuck Make Madonna cluck Fly the phantom's cloack Through the gutter. Make George M. a god, Cut out "Sweeny Todd". And stick "Annie" In " Oh! Calcutta!" "Forbidden Broadway" volume 2, Not too kosher 'cause it's the hammiest night in theatre today. So come with us, On an omnibus To a theatre goer's soirée. It's volume 2 on CD. "Forbidden Broadway" volume 2 Chita, Rita and Martin Charnin said: - 'God! Please leave us alone". "Forbidden Broadway volume 2 Marvin Hamlisch and Stephen Sondheim Have packed and move to beyond. Ethel Merman sneered. Mary Martin cheered, Than she autographed "South Pacific". Betty Comden flipped. Adolph Green was ripped. And Bea Arthur said: - 'It's terrific! "Forbidden Broadway" volume 2 It's corrosive And so explosive The Shuberts better gain way. We'll give the hiss To "La Cage", "Les Mis" And slay Joel Grey's "Cabaret". Buy volume 2 without delay On "Forbidden Broadway". 3. Fugue For Scalpers (Fugue For Tinhorns) I - I got the show right here It won a prize last year About a Chinese communist Gueixa queer. Have price? Have price? John Lithgow is gone. Have price? The stand by is not as nice No dice, have price? II - I got two tickets here, For Phantom in the rear But you could see real "Phant" Through the chandelier? Top price, top price Good seats only twice The price. My wife get the seats on ice. Top price, top price. III - For just to save us fee See Miserab-ly I know the rank, good seats Until 93. Front roll, front roll In back o' the band Front roll. But if the real owners show You have to go. I I Also gotta sell Two seats to Grand Hotel It ain't no Oklahoma! Or Carousel. It's grim, It's ark Two tickets you need to park. For Two hours You're in the dark You need to park. And if you wanna go To Jerry Robins' show I get some real good seats I got long ago. II I'm sure you'll see just fine But there's slight incline Because the masochist emptied at Chorus Line. To see, One 3 You buy one you'll get One free. Or just sell it back for me No fee, lone free. III For just to save us free See Misèrab-ly I know the rank, good seats Until 93 Front roll, front roll In back o' the band Front roll. I - Chandelier... II - Misérables... III - Commi queer... Both - I Got the show right here! 4. Patti LuPone & I Get A Kick Out Of Me (Anything Goes & I Get a Kick Out of You) - In olden days This show was shocking 'cause Merman would keep them rocking but now they phone... - Patti LuPone. - Good critics to who used four letter words Now have to search for better words How she's wrong - Patti LuPone. - And soar my e a ea-ea-ea ea-ea-ea-ea-ea-ea ea-ea-ea-ea-ea Like a, like a alike, you like Just like Eva Perón. - Patti LuPone - Patti Lu... - Patti Lu... - Patti Lu... - Patti LuPone. - I make it better than Patti - My story is much too sad to be told. I've played nearly ev'rything And I'm not very old. May only exception I know is the case When I'm acting for bourgeoisie Fighting vainly the old ennui And I suddenly turned and see My fabulous face. I get no kick in a show A Broadway song doesn't thrill me for long Evita was now happy spree. But I get a kick out of me. Some snoot cocaine when they're low I need no sniff 'cause I think who's the diff' I'm already terrific to sing And I get a kick out of me. I get a kick when I smile and sneer And people cheer up for me. I get a kick thou my voice is shrill 'cause Frank Ritchwell still adore me. I got no kick in "Les Mis", Dying for art in a part of a type Broke my heart at the smile I received. But I get a kick out of me. I get a kick when I fire my machine gun like legato. I get a kick when my lyrics crushed into my rush obbligato. I get no kick on a stage, Flashing some guy with my Stuby Key-ed eye Isn't why I amend this degree. It's I get a kick out of me. 5. Into the Words (Into the Woods & Weekend in The Country) - Once upon a time... There was a great song writer called Stephen Sondheim. He had many, many hit shows, among each were "Sunday in the Park with George"... - I wish... - ..."Assassins"... - I wish... - ...and the fairy tale musical of 1988 "Into the woods". - ... I wish... - All the characters in all the shows were very happy to be in a prestigious Sondheim musical except for a few things... - ... I wish... I wish this show is more melodic, I wish. - I wish... I wish this show is not so bloody, I wish. - I wish... I wish the lyrics weren't so wordy, I wish. - You see with Sondheim's shows people sometimes miss the point. They're supposed to listen and go... - Into the words. - Into the words. - Into the words, the metaphors, the synonyms, the perfect stand. Into the words, the detail and Tricky little phrases. Into the words, the what, the where, The when, the why, the plot began? Into the words, the work, The craft, the garnish or the phrases. Into the words. Into the words The music waits, Into the words, Into the words The lyric states that into the words Your content always Comes before your form 'n style. Into the words It turn all rhymes That even baffled Merman. Into the words It's a quick exchange So very strange you'll cry and smile. And never repeat a verse or a bridge This isn't Jerry Herman. Into the words. Into the words They always teach Into the words. Into the words To hear me preach The paths are clear, if understood, I have no fear 'cause I'm so good. The scores, the star, The stars are just wood. I sort of hate to ask it But what's rhyme for basket? Into the words that drip your lip Then fry your brain and strain your tong. Into the words a case so dark You better bring a torch in. Into the words that fly and try To make you jump that joke inside. (???) Into the words more letters than They sell on "Wheel of Fortune". - Very good! You're all graduated. So now let's to do it up to tempo. Ready? One... Two... Twelve... Eight... - Into the words that drip your lip Then fry your brain and strain your tong. Into the words a case so dark You better bring a torch in. Into the words that fly and try To make you jump that joke inside. (???) Into the words more letters than They sell on "Wheel of Fortune". We're into the syllables Into the antonymous Into the metaphors Into the synonymous Care for erudition Care for erudition (???) Care for erudition Careful out of the words.(???) 6. Annie II (Tomorrow) I'm 30 years old, Tomorrow. And I haven't work since I've played "Annie"; When I was ten. But may be there's hope, Tomorrow. May be Mr. Charnin Will bring "Annie", Back again. Tomorrow, tomorrow Revive me tomorrow Before I'm a dinosaur. A sequel, a sequel You promised me a sequel Like "Nightmare on Elm St. IV". 7. M. Butterfly (Poor Butterfly) I'm M. Butterfly, I'm a Chinese spy Dressed in a dress. I must confess, For you'll never guess, I blush to blind I'm M. Butterfly. M. Butterfly, Strangest show Since "Equus" M. Butterfly 'commi' spies in drag John Lithgow thinks He is a she The she he drives Lithgow wild And when he says He's with child You murmur... gee! I can't get by Where he put His peepee. That weirdo guy Can't tell boys from girls. And so he crumbles In grief While you watch Instant disbelief. It's one swell lie M. Butterfly That make up is not unique to the rest. And so he crumbles in grief While you watch instant disbelief. It's time to die, M. Butterfly. 8. Madonna's Brain (The Rain In Spain) Madonna - Quit Professor Mammet Quit Professor Mammet Teach Madonna how to speak. Please, quit, Professor Mammet. There you wrote, "Speed the Plow", you can teach Madonna how... ...how to move, how to work never mind to talk. - Why do you wanna do this to me, David? Mammet - Why? - Yes, why to me? Mammet - To You? Because that's why! And... - And... Mammet - And... - And... Mammet - And... - She's good? Mammet - Not really, but she's got draw. She's... - Commercial... Mammet - A power house sale... - A draw... Mammet - A draw twenty years writing plays... - Great plays, David, great. Mammet - If you... - Say so and I'm not a draw... Mammet - Yes! No! - Yes! Mammet - But winning the commercial draw... Commercial my ass, David. Commercial my ass! Right there... The girl... The girl... The girl's good! She's good! And in a way, she'll add Liz... Liz my but, David. Liz my... What a sissy eastern play about commercialism in Hollywood... Good! Good! So we cast a commercial... Start! Get the thick Melinda... Theatre and then... Wham! We surprise the captive audience with substance. Wham! Wham! Substance. Hey, hey... Let's go make some money on Madonna! Madonna - O.K. How's this? I know what it is like to be bad, I been bad? Only problem is... Her. Her. Madonna - I know what it is like to be bad, I... the... been bad Oh, come on David, I think you picked the poor example Mammet - Done I? I strained in vain to train Madonna's brain. Madonna - I strained in vain to train Madonna's brain. Mammet - Again. Madonna - I strained in vain to train Madonna's brain. Mammet - I think she's got it! I Think she's got it! Madonna - I strained in vain to train Madonna's brain. Mammett - She's fuckin' got it! She's fuckin' got it! Now once again: Where do you strain? Madonna - In my Brain, in my brain. Mammet - And what's your tiny brain? Madonna - Insane, Insane. Both - We strained in vain to train Madonna's brain Mammet - A-ha-ha! - A-ha-ha! Both - We strained in vain to train Madonna's brain. - And what are you doing on Broadway? Madonna - Training for the film "Evita". How kind of you to let me act. Mammet - Once again! Where does it rain? Madonna - In my brain, in my brain. Mammet - Who added your socked brain? Madonna - Sean Penn! Sean Penn! Both - We strained in vain to train Madonna's brain. Mammet - A-ha-ha! - A-ha-ha! Both - We strained in vain to train Madonna's brain. Madonna - A-ha-ha! Mammet - A-ha-ha! Both - A-ha-ha! Madonna - Justify my love! - Justify your acting! Both - A-ha-ha! A-ha-ha! A-ha-ha! Madonna - Ole! 9. Never, Never Panned (Never Never Land) My name is Mary Martin and, As Peter Pan I'm grand Some critics hesitate But they always thinks I am great I'm never, never panned. To be a critics' darling sing Impeccably, but bland Just keep an open throat And then scoop on ev'ry note. You're never, never panned. You'll win a Tony if you're coy-like. More precious far than gold. And if you dress a boy-like, Your act'll buy all spree sold. (???) So come with me where critics rave And meanies understand. You too can be a star Like my son who plays J.R., on "Dallas", We're never, never panned. 10. Somewhat Overindulgent (Over The Rainbow) My name is Mandy, Mandy J. Patinkin And I've been thinkin' I might Be known more As a male chanteuse. So if you like my 20 songs on CD, To short, come to see me ev'ry night. Dressing Casual and loose And turning on Adios, While emoting like a goose. Somewhat Overindulgent Like I'm hie. I interpret all lyric Like I'm about to die. Somewhat overindulgent I seem blue And you'll won't recognize The tune after I get through. Someday I'll do a one-man-show Sing Jolson's songs like "Old Black Joe" And "Mammy". I'll emphasize almost ev'ry word And tweetle like a little bird To prove I'm Amy. (???) Somewhere overindulgent Watch me cry. (Are you watching me cry, mamma?) Barbra did in "Yentl" Why, then, oh why can't I? If Barbra Streisand gets to be Beyond indulgent Why, oh why, not me? 11. Chita-Rita (America) Chita - A-ha-ha-ha-ha-há! Miss Moreno her rude dire'tions Are all lousy imitations. Though we both did "West Side Story", Hers was like Chiken Cacciatore. Chiken o' the glory. But don't let that cat in I'm the fiery Latin. I was the world first Anita Rita - We know you were... Chita -Don't mix us up, I'm Chita! Chita Rivera isn't Rita Rita Moreno is not Chita Chita is Chita and not Rita I would prefer you forgot Rita! This little ditty reminds you Who is the one and the Who's Who She gets the movies and bravos Rita - I get the night clubs and bomb shows. Chita - My name is Chita and not Rita. Rita is Rita but not Chita. Liza likes Chita but not Rita. I wouldn't mind if they shot Rita! I'm the one who started on Broadway From the 50's and the 60's to the Current day, people. And I invented the ay, ay... Well... Rita was lisping in "King and I". I have done "Bye, Bye Birdie", "Chicago", "Bajour" And I never missed one matinée, people. And when choruses (???) screamed and yelled ay, ay, ay! How I love all the gay people. My name is Chita and not Rita. Rita is Rita and not Chita. Liza hates Rita but not Chita. Why won't the Union boycott Rita? Rita - Hello, Chita. Chita - Rita! What are you doin' here? Rita - I'll be doing the movie version of "The Rink". I probably win another Oscar. You can present this... Chita - Ha-ha-ha. I'd soon I die! Rita - You'll probably will. I just came by to clarify one thing: My name is Rita and not Chita. Though I look like you, I'm not Chita. When people smoke too much pot, Chita, They think you're me and I'm not Rita. I'm a versatile actress Chita - Long as you stay on the matters. Rita - I can play any role I choose... Chita - Gypsies, Italians and black Jews! Ah-yah-yah! Rita - When I go out on a date, Chita, People save encores for great Rita. But when I see you on the stage, Chita, Looks like you put on some weight, Chita. Both - Ah-yah-yah-yah I'm gonna show you who was the first to do this and it goes like this.... [THEY ALL SPEAK SIMULTANEOUSLY] - Ay-ay-ay! Both - So, if you want to keep Who's who's straight, Hear us to settle a great debate I am the one you should ev'luate She is the one who should (???). There is Rita, and Chita, and Liza And Lisa, and Liza, and Chita, And Pia Zadora and Lisa, And Mia, and Liza, and Chita. Mia, Liza, Rita, Chita, "Rio Rita", Liza, Pia, Pita Debbie Allen... ...Ahn! And me! 12. I Ham What I Ham (I Am What I Am) - And now presenting the Tony Award Winning star of "La Cage Aux Folles", Mr. George Hearn! I ham what I ham, And when I ham, I get ovations. Though I make you gag Dressing in drag, Vents my frustrations. It's my chance To dress myself In pearls and ermine. My chance to become The world's next Ethel Merman. In pants I'm a lion, But in a dress - Hey! World! I ham what I ham. I ham what I ham And when I ham I am a phony. Who cares if I swish It's worth the dish To win a Tony. It's my part So I rant and wave like Mussolini So what if I play it Like a Tweedy Sweeny. This wig is a shame Likewise I Am That's why I ham what I ham. Yahoo! 13. Hey, Bob Fosse (Hey, Big Spender) The minute we walked on the stage, You can tell we have the style of distinction A good director. Bob Fosse, you're a guy. Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my thigh? Your dances get right to the point. And although they've got that razzle-dazzle look Hey, Bob Fosse, spend a little time on the book. Don't you wanna a good plot... plot... plot? Don't you care about laughs... laughs... laughs...? You forgot to mend... Plot... Laughs... Big deal... Plot... Laughs... Big deal... Plot... Laughs... Big deal... Yeah, no light's so cool, but how about to turn it then on, so we can see theó Plot... All those sexy bodies, but... We're ready for some... Laughs... Why can't you use an original score? That has something to do with the... Story... D'you got something against Italians so... Instead of "Sweet Charity" lets revive... "Damn Yankees"! And forget about... "Big deal". - The moment we walk on the stage You start changing lights and Raising smoke screens and Spilling scenery. So clever, So refined, But ev'ry thing so wild you leave the actor behind! The story gets way off the point And you have to do a rewrite hardcore crook Hey! Bob Fosse! Hey! Bob Fosse! Hey! Bob Fosse! Spend a little time on the book. Plot... Laugh... Story... Plot... Laugh... Story... Plot... Laugh... Story... How's about it, Bobby? Yeah! 14. Almost Like Vegas In New York (Almost Like Being in Love) J.M. - What's this I hear? What's this I see? Is that a mental rally To bring back Peggy Lee? I thought she was dead. One show's at scores, And the books about 'er Now, all you need Is a star! Phillis Dill is on stage Jackie Mason, it's the rage (Hey, that's me!) Why it's almost like Vegas in N. York. Frank and Liza got out Peter Allen got draught Why it's almost like Vegas in N. York. And speaking of Vegas, Ladies and Gentlemen, I got one of my Vegas buddies by stage. I'd like you to meet him right now. Straight from his bus & drop tour of "The Fantastiks"... and speaking of "fantastic" , Ladies & Gentlemen, I like that you meet my friend, the fantastic friend, a friend and a fantastic man, Mr. Bob Goulet, very fantastic, Bob Goulet, Ladies & gentlemen: B.G. Ė All the backers auditioned the bread All agree that the book show is dead. (Take it Jackie) J.M. - Tell me why spend good cash on a play (tell me, why?) When for half price you get... Both - Bob Goulet. "A Chorus Line" has to go for the But Holly show (???) And the TKTS bloody sale cast kids (???) Ushers are given raised tips Almost like Vegas in New York Almost like Vegas B.G. - (Hey, how you're doing? how many, Bob?) (???) Almost like Ve-e-e-e-gas Almost like Vegas In New York. 15. Teeny Todd (Ballad of Sweeney Todd) Attend the tale of Teeny Todd The cast is small and the staging odd. Although the musical's barely ten Somebody decided to do it again. For intrigue brought a promenade It's Teeny Todd The smaller version of Sweeney! There is no shop in London town. Except two flats that are painted brown. But think of all of the cash they'll save The physical budget impeccably shaved It's Teeny It's Teeny Todd The smaller version of Sweeney. Swing your razor low, teeny Keep it under-sized. And what's more The Sondheim score Is synthesized! Our needs are few the stage is bare We use a miniature barber chair The mug of suds and the leather strop Are tiny toy props from a tiny toyshop For cheapness we deserve a nod It's Teeny Todd The smaller version of Sweeney. Big and epic-like Sweeney was Huge and bulky the scenery was Twenty ton bridge Twenty ton barge Hal prince's version was ugly but large. Now the bigger guy Sweeney's gone And his kid brother Teeny's on Teeny is smooth Even more subtle When teeny blinks the roaches scuttle. Teeny! Attend the tale of Teeny Todd Tho' Stephen Sondheim's a demigod To bring back one of his shows today No-one can afford the original way They shrink it Like Teeny Like Teeny Todd The Sweeney version that's Tee-ny. 16. Liza (Johnny One Note) Mamma told me to sing one note And the note I sing is this: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm Liza one note Got no vibrato and Can't sing legato at all. I'm Liza one note Squeezing my high notes And sneaking what bayonet takes goal (???) To bounce 'round the stage Like a ball. I'm a little brass And a lot of drums. Maybe kind of craze Still the public comes. I dress in red sequences Blue sequences, Gold sequences, Plea sequences And sometimes Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I'm Liza one note When I stop singing Your ears will be ringing in pain That's why all my friends Are cocained. Ah, Oh God! I love show business, the light, the stage, and really I feel terrific. How do you feel? Good! You know,I'm clean now. I'mcentered in focus and xxxxxxxxxxxxx toghether... there's another story... Can all be perfectely serious just for one moment? I'd like you all to know how trully, terrific it feels to be able to sing one note, the way I do. So, do you know the part of the song where I sing aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Do you know the part, i mean? Ah, you do, darlings... I love you! Both of you! Well, when I get to that part of the song, I'd like you all to sing along with me. Let's try it, darlings. One... two... three... Aaaaaaaaaaaaa... That was a nice try, but, you see in order for this to work, ev'rybody's got to do it. Oh, my darlings, have to sing along with me. So if you won't do it for me... do it for... mamma! Are you ready? One... Two... Three... Yeah... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa My singing will drive you insane. I'm Liza one note My singing will give you a pane. 17. Ladies Who Screech (Ladies Who Lunch) I'm Elaine Stritch. And I like to propose a toast. Here's to the ladies who screech Ev'rybody lookn. Singing out they Charge blindly into the bridge, Hitting notes by luck. Off half a tone Latter adjusting. Claimming their flat A phone their own Conducter busting. Calling him rat Does anyone here smell a rat? I drink to that! Here's to the girl with panache. Aren't they a mess? Overlain Just through on musical trash Calling it finesse. Another long, exhausting song. Another magic wonder rhyme A tricky tune, A word moan soon I'd like to kill that Sondheim. I'll drink to that! - And one for Sondheim! Here's to composer and wife. Aren't they the top? She won't stop the clutches Her co-star for life When her versus pop. The ones who sing in it all wrong And hope the last not to long Not knowing they rewrote the song I xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx a jam I'm wanna damn Oh, that's why I'll drink to them. Here's to the ladies who talk Aren't they just great? They recite their songs Like they're scrapping a chalk Open down a slate. A pack a day A tangouree He say a Vodka drinker But xxxxxx you're the one Who has topée With chin lights out the stinker I'll drink to that! So here's to the girls of the kind Critics love to write. Looking down and inside of their lether show fine Why XXXXXXXXX Thompson died? That toast lauder notes they don't reach The diening whales xxx watch on a beach Let's hear it for the ladies who streech Ev'rybody ride Ride (8xs) 18. Phantom Of The Musical .Phantom Of The Musical Chorus - The Phantom of the Musical Is him! A.L.Webber - The show's amongst to hit And so am I. "Phantom" and "Cats" had lit The Broadway sky. And now the industry Is run by me. The Phantom of the Musical is I Andrew Lloyd Webber. How does my magic work, You bound to ask, What God like giant's look Beneath this mask? Not one will never see The secret me. The Phantom of the Musical is I Andrew Lloyd Webber. And now a lovely bride In Sarah Brightman act my side. Attracted for her Kidnapped for her, to sing... S. Brightman - Sweek A. L. Webber - Sing... S. Brightman - S A. L. Webber - Sing... S. Brightman - S Your spoils xxxx foil for veil Of melody. Just like a nightingale, On LSD. Your soaring string so lush I get a rush The Phantom of the Musical is You Andrew, my dearest. The Phantom of the Musical but who That mask is the queerest. A.L.Webber - Don't touch! S.Brightman - Why not? It must be hot, one peak A.L.Webber - Hands off! You're only stuff. No... S.Brightman - Yes. A.L.Webber - No. S.Brightman - Yes. A.L.Webber - No. I treat in equity To bring you here. But, please, don't fuss in me It's you they feark. But there just jealous sould My zealous love. The Phantom of the Musical is I Now seem what I've written. S.Brightman - Oh mio bambino phantom Your music tops the list The only problem is Puccini is ofly pissed. .Lloyd Webber (Goldfinger) Lloyd Webber You're the man. The man with the Midas' touch A spiders touch. Such a Freud, Webber A.L.W. - The Phantom of the Musical is I (Don't touch at the mask) S.B. - The Phantom of the Musical is he (Just a peak!) A.L.W. - The Phantom of the Musical is... S.B. - Aaaaaaaah! Oh, here it is! Inside it is! I married Mickey Mouse M.M. - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Now you really know what's on the neat (underneath) Of the greatest writer of Broadway shows So you must... die. Go. S.B. - No. Aaaaaaaah... A.L.W. - Instead of that, a divorce. Bewere, the phantom always looks above. Take care, I'll even kill the girl I newly loved. As much as I Ha, ha, ha, ha. 19. George M (Give My Regards To Broadway & Yankee Doodle Dandy) I'm the legendary Cohan George M. Cohan, do or die; I'm not James Cagney And I'm not Joel Gray I'm the actual guy. I'm the patron saint of Broadway I'll watch over ev'ry play I'm doodleling my time away In a Yankee Doodle Heaven But I have come back just to say: Give my regrets to Broadway I hope somehow it will survive Ask all the kids from "42nd Street", to them it still alive. "Cats" and "Les Mis" are driving And "Miss Saigon" is going strong. Give my regrets to old Broadway Until solutions come along. Kander and Ebb and Sondheim Are always writing something new Coleman, Cy Coleman it's hot and Charnin sizzled won't give up On "Annie II". We heard from Jery Herman He is working on a catchy song. Give his regrets to Old Broadway And something it'll come back strong. Yes! Give my regrets to Old Broadway And something it will come back strong. 20. More Miserable Sequence END OF THE PLAY At the end of the play we're another year older And we're often exhausted from playing the poor Randy Graff fell in the band And the turntable's making us dizzy Trevor Nunn yells a command And it's throwing us all in a tizzy And there's going to be hell to pay At the end of the play At the end of the play see the audience smoulder Sitting flat on their butts for three hours or more They can't wait to get back home And to read the libretto in bed To decipher whatever went on And what we said Better read your synopsis At the end of the play I DREAMED A SHOW There was a time when shows were fun And they used bright lighting And the shows weren't so long And the songs weren't so biting There was a time Then it all went wrong I dreamed a show in days gone by Where all the scenery looked so pretty I didn't sing one song then die And all my costumes weren't so gritty I did a tap-dance and I smiled And pathos wasn't overstated My lips were red, my hair was styled I didn't act so constipated But now that misery's in style It's artistic if you suffer So they tore my dress apart And the chorus girls walk lame I dreamed a show in days gone by Neil Diamond didn't sing my hit song A pretty girl they'd glorify And Act One wasn't so d---- long Come watch us grovel in the dirt Then buy a souvenir and don it Rich folks pay twenty bucks a shirt That has a starving pauper on it I dreamed a show in days gone by Where all the sets weren't piles of rubble I didn't have to belt high E And be as miserable as me BRING IT DOWN God it's high This song's too high Pity me Change the key Bring it down Bring it down It's too high It's too high Much too high EMPTY SONGS, EMPTY LYRICS If I seem to be grief stricken When this song goes on and on Empty songs with empty lyrics All about the dead and gone DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING? Do you hear the people sing? Singing the hit songs from Les Mis It is the best show of a classic Since they modernised The Wiz Better learn the songs by heart And if you don't, they'll call you dumb They'll be atop the record chart When the British come No more Gershwin, no more Kern We don't need old shows anymore We set ablaze and burn most every Stephen Sondhiem score Come join with the few who have started a musical war Do you hear the people sing? All of the new songs from Les Mis Even the great Andrew Lloyd Webber Wished the songs were really his You'll be ticketed and pinched If a La Cage song you should hum Poor Jerry Herman will be lynched When the British come Do you hear the people sing? All of the new songs from Les Mis Now with our new French Revolution We'll decapitate The Wiz Now Les Mis is here to stay Miss Saigon will leave you numb Phantom will haunt the Great White Way When the British come The British come RECITATIVE B1: Oh no Etienne(?) you're simply a confused and worried child. Let me explain the plot of the show to you so you can understand the way it's styled. Jean Valjean is a convict who is being chased by the policeman Javert who doesn't know that he is now a mayor and has adopted Cossette the little waif daughter of Fantine who dies in Act One and that's why Jean Valjean must run. B2: Ah yes B1: Then he becomes involved in a French Revolution, but not the big famous one a little later one you thought you didn't know anything about where Jean Valjean watches everyone get caught except for . . . B2: Marius B1: Yes! Marius, who loves Cosette instead of Eponine who joins the revolutionaries and runs up the barricade where she gets . . . B2: pregnant ? B1: shot. After she sings a long ballad very much like Jean Valjean who dies peacefully knowing that he has driven Javert to jump off a bridge and has significantly changed France by being an all-round nice guy and C'est Finis our story's done. How did you like that ? B2: (snores) 21. Finale Well, ta-ta folks Glas you get the jokes And below the bells where bore they Hope you all that one What's mifgot to one But first we want just ti say: Give our regards to Broadway I hope somehow it will survive Ask all the kids from"42nd Street", to them it still alive. We heard from Jery Herman He's working on a catchy song. Give his regards to Old Broadway And tell them we'll be there act one.. 'Cause we short to meet on that zaine street Forbidden Broadway.