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The Story of FORBIDDEN BROADWAY or "How to Succeed Off-Broadway Without Really Trying" I'm Nathan Lane. Thank you! This cabaret is a temple and we are here to sacrifice the gods of Broadway. Tonight I am pleased to announce a "Parody". We shall steal a little bit of Every show in our desire to abuse them. Some songs from Sondheim, some sets from Sunset, Something on ev'ryone a parody tonight. Something incisive, something derisive, Some day on ev'ryone a parody tonight. No Disney trods, no satin gowns, Send in the little night music clowns. Classic shows cut down, let's sell one's shut down We'll shoot our en'ry Broadway light Theterwing tomorrow, parody tonight Liza! Travestit tomorrow, parody tonight Something dramatic, grand up a gradic With zoey caldwell, parody tonight Please, all ignore! No, no, I don't want to sing, I don't want to make love, I don't want Patti LaPone to replace "ME" in Master Class. However, I won't have word said against her. But I'm Maria Callas from Long Island, I ask you? No Grand Hotel, nothing with Chess Only this guy from Hollywood Squares I'm John Davidson I started in "State Fair" And to tell you the truth it's not great fair The plot is so flat that you'll all go insane But that's perfect for me 'cause I don't have a brain Oh what a beautiful moron Oh what a beautiful guy I've got a beautiful hairdo Ever without my hairdye Oh what a beautiful-- Forbidden Broadway Somewhere, Over-Indulgence Somewhere overindulgence is just fine In a land that I heard of once in a nursery rhyme. Somewhere overindulgence never ends And there's no need to worry on what tomorrow sends. Where lemon drops fall from the sky And ice cream clouds go floating by above me Where earth is made of chocolate cake And mud pies just taste really great Is where you'll find me... Somewhere overindulgence is just fine You can eat all you want to, no one will draw the line. From Forbidden Broadway Volume 2..... The Tale of Teeny Todd, by Gerard Alessandrini (from Forbidden Broadway Volume II) Attend the tale of Teeny Todd The cast is small and the staging odd. Although the musical's barely ten Somebody decided to do it again. For intrigue brought a prominade It's Teeny Todd The smaller version of Sweeney! There is no shop in London town. Except two flats that are painted brown. But think of all of the cash they'll save The physical budget impeccably shaved It's teeny It's Teeny Todd The smaller version of Sweeney. Swing your razor low, Teeny Keep it under-sized. And what's more The Sondheim score Is synthesized! Our needs are few the stage is bare We use a miniature barber chair The mug of suds and the leather strop Are tiny toy props from a tiny toy shop For cheapness we deserve a nod It's Teeny Todd The smaller version of Sweeney. Big and epic-like Sweeney was Huge and bulky the scenery was Twenty ton bridge Twenty ton barge Hal Prince's version was ugly but large. Now the bigger guy Sweeney's gone And his kid brother Teeny's on Teeny is smooth Even more subtle When Teeny blinks the roaches scuttle. TEENY! Attend the tale of Teeny Todd Thoí Stephen Sondheimís a demigod To bring back one of his shows today No-one can afford the original way They shrink it Like Teeny Like Teeny Todd The Sweeney version thatís Tee-ny. The Lyrics to Volume #1 1.Forbidden Broadway There's a great white way where the white is grey and the great is only okay and the stars we toast give themselves the roast; Forbidden Broadway. Where a pretty song doesn't quite belong that's unless the lyric's risgue and an arty dance doesn't stand a chance; Forbidden Broadway. And if you pay close attention to the naughty lyrics we spew, you'll find the subject we mention just might have included the subject of you! So come with us on an omnibus to a theatre goer's soieree to that never-land where the hits get panned; Forbidden Broadway. See an opperetta degraded. Here a Rodgers standadrd re-vamped. Watch the Mertin's love live invaded. Here Motzart berated, updated, and camped. So, if you dare, cross your heart and swear that these songs won't leave this cafe. Just a trifle rude, and we might get sued. (This ain't St. Vincent Milay.) It's just bubble gum all directly from... Forbidden Broadway! 2. If the Show had Run Past Labor Day (Sung to the tune of 'If He Walked Into My Life" from Mame. Music and origial lyrics by Jerry Herman.) The Story In the early 1980s, Angela Landsbury revived her Tony-winning performance in Jerry Herman's musical Mame. But due to the big spectiacles on Broadway at the time, it flopped. So here is Ms. Landsbury's lament about that experience. Where's my fav'rite revival? Starring in Mame was always a piece of cake. But they closed down my revival. The show was the same, so what was our big mistake? FORBIDDEN WEST END Two Guys Played Angie Two guys played Angie Often compared All they've in common is The role that they shared Two guys played Angie Dressed in red and gold Both of them were students, although one was too old. Two guys played Angie, Tony and Mike, One was Australian The other was shite Mike won a Tony On Broadway, no less Though why they gave it to this man is anyone's guess. Oh, that Enjolras, Was he all they could find? We're talking plastic hair and schoolgirl crushes Blinking eyes and brows like brushes. Homemade suits - ginger beer Give it up Mike, cos it's all downhill from here. Two guys played Angie But who was the best? Some-they say Michael But surely they jest. Appeared in a concert, The height of his fame But since that awful moment he's not been seen again. Two guys played Angie Clenching their fists Reached for the high notes But one of them missed. Anthony Warlow-sexy and slim There's never been another one who sings quite like him. Oh that Enjolras, Surely can't be beat We're talking baritone, tenor, soprano ! Is there a note he can't reach - NO Voice like God - pure and clear Live it up, Anth, cos it's all uphill from here. Simply Enjolras (Simple Word) What's in your eye's - theres something wonderful here. What's that you say, we hear that David is back. So get on that phone But leave the Visa alone. Time to book-up and see our Angie back home. I said - WOW I meant - WOW What do you say to that, Mrs Universe - What do you say to that? Good gravy, what have we here, there's a genius at the Palace Good gravy, what have we here - genius, genius. Bring Him Back CAM-ER-ON HEAR OUR PRAYER IN YOUR SHOW THERE'S SOMEONE WHO'S NOT THERE HE'S CALLED PHIL- PHIL CAVILL AS VALJEAN HE IS BRILL BRING HIM BACK BRING HIM BACK BRING HIM BACK HE'S THE BEST VALJEAN WE HAVE KNOWN HE'S EVEN BETTER THAN COLM BUT NOW HE'S GONE WHO KNOWS WHERE? IT'S NOT THE SAME WITHOUT HIM THERE AND WE'RE BEREFT THAT HE HAS LEFT HE CAN SING HE'S A STAR MUCH BETTER THAN THE OTHERS, BY FAR YOU CAN HIRE YOU CAN FIRE LET HIM SING ONCE AGAIN IF WE COME WHEN WE COME LET HIM SING BRING HIM BACK BRING HIM BACK BRING HIM BACK.