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Five Guys Named Moe

Music and Lyrics by LOUIS JORDAN


       1.Five Guys Named Moe  

          NO MOE:

          Let me tell you a story from way back,
          truck on down and dig me, Jack,
          there's Big Moe, little biddy Moe, four eyed Moe, No Moe,
          Look at brother, look at brother, look at brother,
          eat Moe!

          ALL:
          Who's the greatest band around,
          makes the cats jump up and down,
          who's the talk of rhythm town,
          five guy's named Moe, that's us!

          When they start to beat it out,
          everybody jumps and shouts,
          tell me who the critics all rave about,
          five guys named Moe.

          We came out of nowhere,
          and that don't mean a thing,
          we rate high and you'll know why,
          when you hear us sing, sing, sing, sing, sing.

          High brow, low brow, they all agree,
          we're the best in harmony,
          I'm telling you folks, you really ought to see,
          five guys named Moe.

          We came out of nowhere,
          and that don't mean a thing,
          we rate high and you'll know why,
          when you hear us singngngngng,

          We're the greatest band around,
          make the cats jump up and down,
          we're the talk of rhythm town,
          five guy's named Moe.

          Not one guy, No Moe,
          Not two guys, little biddy Moe,
          Not three guy's, four eyed Moe,
          Not four guys, Big Moe,
          But five guys, eat Moe,
          Five little guys named Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe,
          that's us!

       2.Early In The Morning  

          It's early in the morning and I can't get right,
          had a l'il date with my baby last night,
          and now it's early, it's early in the morning,
          it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

          I went to all the places where she used to go,
          even went to her house but she don't live there no more,
          now it's early, it's early in the morning,
          it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

          I went to see a friend of hers but she was out,
          knockin' on her mothers door and she began to shout,
          get away from there boy don't you know what time it is?
          it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

          I went to Jenny Lou's to get me something to eat,
          the waitress looked at me and said, "oh boy you sure look beat,"
          I said "I don't see none of your lip on the menu,"
          it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

          It's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

          If anybody asks me what about me and you,
          I'm gonna tell them that I don't know what to do,
          'coz it's early yes it's early in the morning,
          it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

          It's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

          It's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues.

       3.Brother Beware  

          BIG MOE:
          HEY FELLAS

          ALL:
          YES

          BIG MOE:
          Just you fellas, listen to me, because I've got somthing to
          tell you, and I want you to hear every word.
          And govern yourself accordingly.

          Now you see these girls with these fine diamonds, and fox furs,
          and fine clothes?

          Well, Jack, they're looking for a husband, and you're listening
          to a man who knows, that they ain't fooling.
          And if you fool around with them you gonna be in for a schooling!

          If she saves your dough and don't want to go to a show,

          ALL:
          Beware, brother beware.

          BIG MOE:
          Is she's easy to kiss and she don't resist,

          ALL:
          Beware, brother beware.

          BIG MOE:
          And when you go for a walk and she listens when you talk,
          she's trying to hook you!
          And when there ain't nobody looking,
          she asks you to taste her cooking,
          don't do it, don't do it.

          ALL:
          Don't do that, don't do it.

          BIG MOE:
          Now if you go to a show and she wants to sit in the back row,
          bring her down front - bring her right down front,
          you got that?

          And if you want to go for a snack
          and she wants to boop in the back,
          watch it,
          she's trying to hook you!

          And listen,
          if she's used to caviar and fine silk,
          and when she goes out with you she wants a hotdog and a malted milk,
          she's been used to going to Carnegie hall,
          and when you take her night clubbing she wants to hear one meatball,
          and she grabs your hand and says,
          "Darlin', you're such a NICE man,"
          beware, I'm tellin' ya what's been put down,

          and you better pick up on it.

          Now listen here,
          if her sister calls you 'brother',
          you better get further, I'm telling you,
          you better get out of there,
          and if she's acting kinda wild,
          and says "Darlin', give me a trial,"
          don't do it, don't be weak, don't give in to her,

          And if she looks up in your face,
          and just melts in to place, let her melt,
          forget it!

          You think they're payin' attention to me?
          Should I tell them about the...should I...?
          okay, I'm gonna tel them,

          If she calls you on the phone,
          and says "Darlin', are you all alone?"
          no, no, no, you got three girls with you,
          don't pay no attention to women,
          stand up for your rights, you're a man, that's right!

          Shoud I tell them about everything?

          Ok, if you turn out the light, and she don't fight,
          that's all, that's all, that's the end,
          it's too late then, she got you hooked,
          you might as well stick with her,
          pay attention to me, because this is very important,
          here we go baby...

          If you're home about two,
          and you don't know what to do,
          you pull back the curtains,
          the whole family's looking at you,
          get your business straight, set the date,
          and lord don't be late!

          ALL:
          So brother, beware,
          brother you better beware, beware!

       4.I Like 'Em Fat Like That  

          LITTLE MOE:
          You know I like being surrounded by such voluptuosity,
          such poultritude, to be mothered and smothered,
          basted in sweet sumptuosness.

          Let the cats all criticise,
          joke about my baby's size,
          she's reet with me because you see,
          I likes 'em fat like that.

          When she bounces down the street,
          she's a whole heap of honey and ain't she sweet,
          feels so fine to know that she is mine,
          I likes 'em fat like that.

          You can have all those lean chicks tender and tall,
          but when it comes to mean kicks,
          a big fat momma's the best of all,
          after I get through working well I reach and grab my hat,
          and I hurry home,
          don't want her to be alone, coz
          I likes 'em fat like that.

          ALL:
          Tell me why do you like them

          LITTLE MOE:
          More bounce to the ounce

          ALL:
          Say why do you like 'em?

          LITTLE MOE:
          More room to rump

          ALL:
          How big do you like 'em?

          LITTLE MOE:
          Tons of fun

          ALL:
          How wide do you like 'em?

          LITTLE MOE:
          Well, like that.

          ALL:
          So you like 'em like that.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Yeh, I'm a chubby chaser.

          ALL:
          Ooh, look at her go.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Don't try to run

          ALL:
          Ooh, it must be jelly, 'cos jam don't shake like that.

          LITTLE MOE:
          You can have all those lean chicks tender and tall,
          but when it comes to mean kicks,
          a big fat momma's the best of all,
          after I get through working well I reach and grab my hat,
          and I hurry home,
          don't want her to be alone, coz
          I likes 'em fat like that,
          now thin may be in, but fat is where it's at!

       5.Messy Bessy  

          LITTLE MOE:
          Now I'm a very conservative fella,
          and I don't go in for displays of emotion,
          but I'm in love with a chick named Bessy,
          and she cuts up whenever she takes the notion.

          Now she ain't high class like I am,
          So sometimes she gets carried away,
          and that's when she starts to goofin' up,
          and this is what you'll hear me say:

          Don't get messy, Bessy,
          keep your whiskey quiet,
          when you had a couple of drinks, woman,
          you just might start a riot,
          don't get messy, Bessy,
          you know what I'm talking about,
          when your love comes a tumblin' down,
          you wear a good man out.

          Now when that whiskey moves you,
          you start snappin' your fingers,
          and shoutin' out loud,
          you start shakin' an' quakin',
          an' whoopin' an hollerin',
          you talk so loud you draw a crowd,
          so don't get messy, Bessy,
          try to play it cool,
          coz you just wait til I get you home mama,
          and I'll get messy too.

          Now when that whiskey moves you,
          you start snappin' your fingers,
          and shoutin' out loud,
          you start shakin' an' quakin',
          an' whoopin' an hollerin',
          you talk so loud you draw a crowd.

          Now don't get messy, Bessy,
          try to play it cool,
          coz you wait til I get you home mama,
          and I'll get messy too.
          One more time,
          you just wait till I get you home mama,
          and I'll get messy too.
          say you just wait till I get you home mama,
          and I'll get messy too.
          You better straighten up and fly right woman!

       6.Pettin' And Pokin'  

          BIG MOE:
          I'm gonna tell you a story about Jack and Jill,
          and I don't mean the couple that went up the hill,
          I mean a couple of lovers that live next door,
          they're always battlin'
          and I'm just tryin' to keep score.

          They keep a pettin' and pokin' and jabbin' and jokin'
          and coolin' and crackin' and wooin' and whackin'
          and neckin' and knockin' and and singin' and sockin'
          squawkin' and squeezin' burnin' and freezin'.

          EAT MOE:
          He holds her hand for as long as he's able,
          but when he let's go she bops him with the table.

          ALL:
          Bop.

          EAT MOE:
          A pattin' and a pinchin'
          and clobberin' and clinchin'
          they enjoying themselves, having a good time.

          LITTLE MOE:
          They were havin' a time

          ALL:
          Everybody had a time, they had a real good time,

          LITTLE MOE:
          They were havin' a time

          ALL:
          Everybody had a time, they had a real good time,

          LITTLE MOE:
          Good time

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          Now Reverand Green thought he'd call one day,
          on those nice newly-weds across the way,
          but just as the pastor knocked on the door,
          a straight right connected him and he hit the floor.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Say what?

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          They were pittin' and poppin'
          they were bangin' and boppin' coolin' and kissin'
          they were hittin' and missin'
          groovin' and grievin' and lovin' and leavin
          kickin' and cracklin' and ticklin' and and tacklin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          They were havin' a time

          ALL:
          Everybody had a time, they had a real good time.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Yeah, good time

          NO MOE:
          Once a lion escaped from the ciruc train,
          he strayed in Jack and kills domain,
          just then they got in a towerin' rage,
          the lion took one look and jumped back in his cage.

          Swattin' and swingin' and plottin' and playin',
          stompin' and stampin' and groovin' and grabbin',
          they kept dancin' and duckin', trippin' and truckin',
          plottin' and pleadin' and bangin' and bleddin'.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Well ma Momma said, I'll go right in there and fetch her,
          bit lord Momma came out ridin' on a stretcher,
          feintin' and foldin' hittin' and holdin',
          they were in love, havin' a good time.

          ALL MOES:
          Ain't married life wonderful!

       7.Life Is So Peculiar  

          EAT MOE:
          You know,
          life is so peculiar,
          you get so wet in the rain,
          you get so warm in the sunshine,
          it doesn't pay to complain.

          Now when I sit down to breakfast,
          there is nothing to eat but food,
          life is so peculiar,
          but you can't stay home and brood.

          ALL:
          Life is so peculiar,
          that's what everybody says,
          life is so peculiar,
          so don't let anybody fool ya.

          EAT MOE:
          Yes, life is so peculiar,
          a fork belongs with a knife,
          corn beef is lost without cabbage,
          every husband should have a wife.

          Now when I go out to dinner,
          there is nothing to wear but clothes,
          whenever I feel sleepy,
          there is nothing to do but doze.

          ALL:
          Oh, life is so peculiar,
          that's what everybody says,
          life is so peculiar,
          so don't let anybody fool ya.

          NOMAX:
          Well when I get tired of sitting,
          theres nothing to do but walk

          EAT MOE:
          Walk on

          NOMAX:
          When I don't wanna listen,
          theres nothing to do but talk

          EAT MOE:
          Talk too much

          NOMAX:
          Whenever I get thirsty
          theres nothing to do but drink

          ALL:
          Oh oh..

          NOMAX:
          Life is so peculiar
          that it makes you stop and think

          ALL:
          Yes, life is so peculiar,
          that's what everybody says,
          life is so peculiar,
          so dont let anybody fool ya.

          Life is so peculiar,
          that's what everybody says,
          life is so peculiar,
          so dont let anybody fool ya.

          That's life,That's life,
          That's life,That's life!

       8.I Know What I've Got  

          NOMAX:
          Sometimes she treats me fine
          then gets way out of line
          but still in all I'm sticking like glue
          coz I know what I've got
          but I dont know what I'm getting
          so baby I'm with you.

          I thought I'd try to switch
          and find me someone rich
          but told myself how big could I get
          coz I know what I've got
          but I dont know what I'm getting
          so baby I'm all set.

          My friends say i could do a lot better
          if this keeps up I'll soon need a nurse
          I know I can't do any better
          but believe me I could do a lot worse.

          Let's have it understood
          it's you and me for good
          and anyone that doubts it's gotta go
          coz I know what I've got
          but I dont know what I'm getting
          here's domething you should know.

          Well I forgot to tell her
          that I love her do

       9.Azure Te  

          FOUR EYED MOE:

          Gone and got the blues in Paris
          Paris blues called Azure te
          How could I be blue in Paris?
          Easy, coz she's far away
          can't lose these blues, this Azure te

          Sidewalk tables are filled with people
          always happy, always gay
          still I'm alone, alone in Paris
          praying she'll come back to stay
          can't lose those blues, this Azure te

          can't lose those blues, this Azure te

          If you knew how much I need you
          you'd come back to me and stay
          I need you with me in Paris
          really is the only way
          to lose these blues, this Azure te

          Ah, must lose those blues,
          this azure te
          must lose these blues,
          this azure te
          can't lose these blues,
          this azure te.

      10.Safe, Sane And Single  

          EAT MOE:
          A woman is the sweetest thing
          on that we all agree
          but when she gets the wedding band
          a mans no longer free

          That's why I'm safe, sane and single
          I'm on my merry way
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that's how I'm gonna stay

          LITTLE MOE:
          A wife and husband came upon
          the parting of their ways
          the judge gave her the bank account
          and gave him 90 days

          That's why I'm safe, sane and single
          I'm on my merry way
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that's how I'm gonna stay

          BIG MOE:
          A friend of mine got married
          to a gal named Nellie Gray
          she pawned his watch then sold his car
          and gave his clothes away

          That's why I'm safe, sane and single
          I'm on my merry way
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that's how I'm gonna stay

          NO MOE:
          I met a gal in Birmingham
          and thereby hangs a tale
          she had a husband doing time
          another out on bail

          That's why I'm safe, sane and single
          I'm on my merry way
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that's how I'm gonna stay

          NOMAX:
          Ha, ha ,ha, I got one

          I courted a gal for 15 years
          her Pa said we should wed
          if my horse could only cook
          I'd marry him instead

          ALL:
          That's why I'm safe, sane and single
          I'm on my merry way
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that's how I'm gonna stay

          Thank God I'm safe, Thank God I'm safe,
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that how I'm gonna stay
          Thank God I'm safe, Thank God I'm safe,
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that how I'm gonna stay!
          Thank God I'm safe, Thank God I'm safe,
          Yes I'm safe, sane and single
          that how I'm gonna stay!

          NO MOE:
          Now you got that?

      11.Push Ka Pi Shee Pie  

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          Saigo boy from Fyzabad
          a little town in Trinidad
          took a plane to New York town
          he dressed up like a circus clown
          with the tenor sax in hand
          say he maestro of a band
          ask him what's the latest thing
          Saigo boy begin to sinh:

          ALL:
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          oobli aayee eye yay abla
          it's the new calypso bop

          EAT MOE:
          Saigo met a girl in town
          she said she would show him round
          he said "It's a privilege"
          so she sold him the Brooklyn bridge
          then she took him to a show
          they land up in the last row
          saigo ask her for a kiss
          but all she said to him was this:

          ALL:
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          oobli aayee eye yay abla
          it's the new calypso bop

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          Saigo asked to take her home
          thinking that she live alone
          but when Saigo reach the door
          this is what poor Saigo saw

          A shadow of a great big man
          something shining in his hand
          he no wait to say goodbye
          and as he ran i heard him cry

          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          oobli aayee eye yay abla
          it's the new calypso bop

          EAT MOE:
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          oobli aayee eye yay abla
          it's the new calypso bop

          This here push ka pi shi pie
          makes me laugh until I cry
          funny thing is that it seems

          ALL:
          No one knows just what it means

          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          oobli aayee eye yay abla
          it's the new calypso bop

          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          Push ka pi shi pie - eh eh
          oobli aayee eye yay abla
          it's the new calypso bop
          [etc]

      12.Saturday Night Fish Fry  

          LITTLE MOE:
          If you ever been down to New Orleans
          then you can understand just what I mean,
          all through the week it's as quiet as a mouse
          but on a saturday night they go from house to house
          you don't have to pay the usual admission
          if you're a cook, a waiter or a good musician
          so if you happen to to be just passin' by
          stop in at the saturday night fish fry.

          ALL:
          it was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Sing it fellas

          ALL:
          it was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          See they know what I'm talkin' about

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Real southern hospitality

          ALL:
          it was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Oh yeah yeah

          ALL:
          it was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Havin' a real good time

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Now my buddy and me we fell right in
          and we hollered "Let the joy begin"
          we knew this was the right place to play
          coz the party was already under way
          but all of a sudden the lights went low
          and everybody made straight for the front door
          man, I was scared I didn't know where to go
          so I stood right there then I fell on the floor.

          ALL:
          it was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Oh yeah yeah

          ALL:
          it was a rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Havin' a real good time

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          ALL:
          it was a rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Hit the road jack

          ALL:
          it was a rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Don't hurry back

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Now the women was screamin' and jumpin' and yellin'
          the bottles was flyin' and the fish was smellin'
          and way up above all the noise they made
          somebody hollered

          BIG MOE:
          "Better get outta here, it's a raid!"

          LITTLE MOE:
          I didn't know we was breakin' the law
          but somebody reached up and hit me on the jaw
          they had us blocked off from the front to the back
          and they were puttin' them in the wagon like potato sacks.

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Oh yeah yeah

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Havin a real good time

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          ALL:
          it was a rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Hit the road jack

          ALL:
          it was a rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Don't hurry back

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          LITTLE MOE:
          I knew I could get away if I had a chance
          but I was shakin' like I had the saint Vitus dance
          I tried to crawl up underneath a bathtub
          but a policeman said

          BIG MOE:
          "Where you going now bud?"

          LITTLE MOE:
          They got us out of there like a house on fire
          and put us all in that black Maria
          they might have missed a pitiful few
          but they got both me and my buddy too

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Oh yeah yeah

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Havin a real good time

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          ALL:
          it was a rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Hit the road jack

          ALL:
          it was a rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Don't hurry back

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          LITTLE MOE:
          We headed for the jail in a dazed condition
          they booked each one of us on suspicion
          my chick came down and went my bail
          and finally got me outta that rotten jail
          so if you ever want to get a fist in your eye
          just mention a saturday night fish fry
          I don't care how many fish in the sea
          but don't ever mention fish to me!

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Oh yeah yeah

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Havin a real good time

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Oh yeah yeah

          ALL:
          It was rockin'

          LITTLE MOE:
          Havin a real good time

          ALL:
          You never seen such scufflin' and a shufflin'
          'til the break of dawn.

          So if you ever get down to New Orleans
          come down to the saturday night fish fry

          If you ever get down to New Orleans
          come down to the saturday night fish fry

          If you ever get down to New Orleans
          come down to the saturday night fish fry

          If you ever get down to New Orleans
          come down to the saturday night fish fry

          Oh yehhhh!

      13.What's The Use Of Getting Sober  

          NOMAX:
          You know Big Moe, I need a fresh drink

          BIG MOE:
          Nomax, you're making a very serious mistake here

          NOMAX:
          How you figured

          BIG MOE:
          You oughta listen to your friend Big Moe

          NOMAX:
          I'm listenin'

          BIG MOE:
          And stop drinkin so much

          NOMAX:
          I don't drink that much

          BIG MOE:
          Shut up boy, you drink all day and you drink all night
          now Max you know that aint right

          NOMAX:
          Let me explain

          BIG MOE:
          Shut up boy, your eyes are as red as they can be

          NOMAX:
          That ok, I've got some sunglasses somewhere

          BIG MOE:
          And it looks to Big moe you're about
          to blow your wig

          NOMAX:
          Now I'm not gonna blow my wig

          BIG MOE:
          When you gonna learn boy?
          What's the use of gettin sober
          when you're gonna get drunk again

          NOMAX:
          Exactly
          you know, old sam did something mighty fine
          when he brought back good whiskey, beer and wine
          because I love my whiskey and I love my gin
          every time you see me I'll be in the sin

          BIG MOE:
          Don't you think you already deep enough in sin?
          When you gonna learn Max?
          What's the use of gettin sober
          when you're gonna get drunk again

          NOMAX:
          Hey you know Big Moe
          I went out last night about half past one
          I thought I'd whoop it up a little bit, you know,
          have me some fun

          BIG MOE:
          I understand

          NOMAX:
          So I got me a half a pint about half past two
          Now after I drank that you know what I wanted to do

          BIG MOE:
          Sleep

          NOMAX:
          Uh, uh, then I got me a pint about half past four
          now after i drank that I just wanted some more
          so then I got me a quart

          BIG MOE:
          Oh a quart

          NOMAX:
          Yes about half past five
          now after I drank that,
          ooh, I didn't know if I was dead or alive

          BIG MOE:
          I think more dead than alive
          When you gonna learn Max?
          What's the use of gettin sober
          when you're gonna get drunk again
          God I hope this boy learns, lord have mercy

          NOMAX:
          I been thinkin', but I keep drinkin',
          and I'm just about to lose my mind.

      14.If I Had Any Sense I'd Go Back Home  

          NOMAX:
          I remember the day I caught the train
          I was standin' out at the railway crossin',
          soakin wet with rain
          fortune and fame is not for me
          and all those pretty stories ain't what they're
          cooked up to be,
          every move I made was wrong,
          if I had any sense I'd go back home
          well my mother was cryin', my father had
          an aching heart.
          He said, son, please don't let us part,
          my sweetheart stood cryin', I cried a little bit too,
          but I didn't have the will to stop,
          I had to do what i had to do.

          Every move I made was wrong,
          if I had any sense I'd go back home,
          my baby wrote me a letter saying come back to my side,
          but I can't go back now 'coz I got too much pride
          I'm havin' so much trouble I don't know what to do,
          there's nothing but my mother and father's prayers
          to see me through,
          I stayed away too long,
          if I had any sense I'd go back home.

      15.Dad Gum You Hide Boy  

          NO MOE &
          LITTLE MOE:
          Hey, dad gum your hide boy
          dad gum your dirty hide
          dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
          and you wanted a hog.

          EAT MOE:
          I took you in when you were beat
          you were almost dead
          I gave you some good food to eat
          and a place to rest your head
          I even let you wear my brand new suit
          let you wear my new shoes
          and when you asked me for money
          I never did refuse
          look at him laughing

          LITTLE MOE &
          NO MOE:
          dad gum your hide boy
          dad gum your dirty hide
          dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
          and you wanted a hog.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Yeah, then you met my baby
          who is the apple of my heart
          well I could tell from the way you looked at her
          that trouble was bound to start
          'coz you started in with all your jivin'
          you made her think the moon was green
          well you know Daddy I think
          you are the mose convincingest fellah I have ever seen.

          ALL:
          dad gum your hide boy
          dad gum your dirty hide
          dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
          and you wanted a hog.

          NO MOE:
          I thought he was my buddy
          I thought he was my pal
          hah! He did me out of all my money
          and then he tries to steal my gal
          but one of these days I'm gonna get even
          but in the meantime I hope he takes another drink
          stands up and drops dead

          ALL:
          dad gum your hide boy
          dad gum your dirty hide
          dad gum you dirty dog, I gave you a pig
          and you wanted a hog.

          EAT MOE:
          Yes and you cam into my house
          and you ate my spaghetti and meatballs
          you wore my brand new suit
          and you wore my brand new shoes
          you beat me out of all my money, and you stole my wife,
          and boy I'm telling you nobody, but nobody eats my food,
          listen I should get you a short stick boy
          and beat you so bad
          I'm angry now, somebody hold me back,
          I mean it, boy am I angry, somebody hold me back,
          hold me back, I mean it, somebody hold me back.

      16.Five Guys Named Moe (The Cabaret)  

          ANNOUNCER:
          Ladies and gentlemen. the funky butt club is proud to
          present that sepia symphonette, those crooning cavaliers,
          those soulful seraphs of song
          those five guys named Moe!

          ALL:
          We're the greatest band around
          make the cats jump up and down
          we're the talk of rhythm town
          five guys named Moe, that's us!

      17.Let The Good Times Roll  

          NO MOE:
          Ohh, hey everybody

          ALL:
          Yeah

          NO MOE:
          Let's have some fun

          ALL:
          Alright

          NO MOE:
          You only live once
          but when you're dead you're done
          so let the good times roll

          ALL:
          let the good times roll

          NO MOE:
          let the good times roll

          ALL:
          let the good times roll

          NO MOE:
          Don't mind if you're young or old

          ALL:
          let the good times roll

      18.Reet Petite And Gone  

          NO MOE:
          I found a girl who beat's them all
          she isn't too short and she isn't too tall
          she's in the groove and right on the ball
          she's reet, petite and gone.

          What a babe, she's the tops
          when we go out they don't need no traffic cops
          one look at her and traffic stops
          she's reet, petite and gone.

          I could have my pick you know
          'coz i got dough ready to go
          this chick's so mighty fine
          she's got me all tied up like a ball of twine
          when I do things I do 'em right
          I'll never let her out of my sight
          we'll tie the knot and tie it tight
          she's reet petite and gone.

          That chick has changed my attitude
          whenever i gaze on her poultritude
          I'm telling ya Jack, she's mighty fine
          got me all tied up like a ball of twine
          those other chicks leave me cold
          you can't compare brass with 14 carat gold
          after they made her they broke the mould
          she's reet, petite and gone.

          She's reet, petite, neat, so sweet

          ALL:
          Reet, petite, neat, sweet and gone.

      19.Cal'donia  

          BIG MOE:
          Alright ya know this song
          when I shout "Cal'donia" you shout "What".
          Then when I say "What makes your big head so hard", you lift
          your arms up in the air and shout "Mop" got that? let's go baby.

          Walking with my baby she's got great big feet,
          she's long and lean and lanky, and ain't had nothing to eat,
          she's my baby and I love her just the same
          I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name.
          Here we go, Cal'donia

          AUDIENCE:
          What?

          BIG MOE:
          Cal'donia

          AUD:
          What?

          BIG MOE:
          What makes your big head so hard?

          AUD:
          Mop

          BIG MOE:
          I love you baby just the same
          I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name
          know what, my Momma called me up and she said
          "Son this woman called Cal'donia who you
          so in love with, all she gonna do is break your heart
          and take your money", but you see Mama
          don't know what Cal'donia was putting down but I tell
          you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go over to her house
          and this is what I'm gonna say,
          Cal'donia

          AUD:
          What

          BIG MOE:
          Cal'donia

          AUD:
          What?

          BIG MOE:
          What makes your big head so hard?

          AUD:
          Mop

          BIG MOE:
          I love you baby just the same
          I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name yeah
          let's go
          Cal'donia

          AUD:
          What?

          BIG MOE:
          Cal'donia

          AUD:
          What?

          BIG MOE:
          What makes your big head so hard?

          AUD:
          Mop

          BIG MOE:
          I love you baby just the same
          I'm crazy 'bout that woman, Cal'donia is her name
          let's do it again
          Cal'donia

          AUD:
          What?

          BIG MOE:
          Cal'donia

          AUD:
          What?

          BIG MOE:
          What makes your big head so hard?

          AUD:
          Mop

          BIG MOE:
          I love you just the same, yeah
          I'm crazy 'bout this woman, Cal'donia is her name
          said I'm crazy 'bout the woman, Cal'donia is her name

      20.There Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens  

          NO MOE:
          OK folks here's a little story just for you
          now one night Farmer brown was takin' the air
          he locked up the farmyard with the greatest of care
          but down in the hen-house something stirred
          and when he shouted 'Whos there?"
          this is what he heard

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          There ain't nobody here but us chickens
          There ain't nobody here at all
          so quiet yourself and stop that fuss
          there ain't nobody here but us
          we chickens tryin' to sleep, and you butt in
          and hobble hobble hobble hobble it's a sin

          NO MOE:
          Now Farmer brown lit his corn cobbed pipe
          he looked down at his trusty dog
          and he said, "Hey id the chickens said they alright
          they are alright.
          Let's head back to the shack Jack". But the dog wasn't
          convinced, he said "Go back to the henhouse" gave a
          little doggy knock and in his best chickenese said
          "Is everything alright?"

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          I said there ain't nobody here but us chickens
          There ain't nobody here at all
          you're stompin' around and checkin' around
          and kickin' up an awful fuss
          we chickens tryin' to sleep, and you butt in
          and hobble hobble hobble hobble it's a sin

          NO MOE:
          "Ok, ok, ok," said the dog and he turned to leave
          just then a very unchicken like sneeze came
          from the henhouse "Achoo!"
          Farmer Brown cocked his gun, he syas "I'm a comin' in,
          you better open that door just a teeny weeny
          bit so I can take a peek"

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          NO! Tomorrow is a busy day
          we got things to do, we got eggs to lay,
          ground to dig, we've got worms to scratch,
          you know it takes a lot of sittin' gettin' chicks to hatch
          besides - there aint nobody here but us chickens
          there ain't nobody here at all
          so stop that fuss and raisin' dust
          hey there ain't nobody here but us
          so kindly point that gun the other way
          and hobble hobble hobble off and hit the hay.

          NO MOE:
          Okay, I guess you're right, I'm off
          to sleep. Goddnight.
          Hey Boss man, what d'ya think?

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          Easy pickin's, ain't nobody here but us chickens.

      21.Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying  

          EAT MOE:
          Dn't let the sun catch you cryin'
          cryin' round my front door
          you done your baby so dirty
          that's why she don't want you no more

          and don't let the sun catch you lyin'
          lyin' round my front door
          your baby done gone and turned salty
          and you know you made her do so.

          You can cry, cry, cry
          I know that you know how to wail
          and you can beat your head on the pavement
          until the man comes and throws you in jail.

          but don't let the sun catch you cryin'
          cryin' round my front door
          you done your baby so dirty
          that's why she don't want you no more.

          Cry, and wail
          and you can beat your head on the pavement
          until the man comes and throws you in jail,
          but don't let the sun catch you cryin'
          cryin' round my front door

          Oh when the moon goes down
          in the dawnin',
          and the sun comes up in the mornin',
          don't let the sun catch you cryin'
          when the moon goes down in the dawnin',
          don't let the sun catch you cryin',
          coz baby don't want you no more,
          no more,
          no more.

      22.Look Out Sister  

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          Ladies I'd like to talk to you for just about two minutes.
          Now you can turn me off if you want to but what I've got
          to say is for your benefit and no-one else. Now we heard what
          Big Moe had to say to the brothers but I'm goin' to tell you
          straight up that fellas these days ain't no good.

          LITTLE MOE:
          Stool pigeon, stool pigeon

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          What you mean stool pigeon. You see that's what I mean,
          listen stick around girls
          don't be no clown, and please pick up on what I put down.

          If he drives you to the beach
          and he starts to reach,
          look out, sister look out

          If he says you look fetchin'
          and wants to go show you his etchin's,
          don't go up there, you better not go up there.

          And if he says you know you look good in a sweater,
          go home and write him a leteer, hmm, hmmm,
          you know what I mean.

          And look here, if he buys you crocks of champagne,
          take a train and go to Maine,
          get outta town before it's too late.

          If he says "Darlin' you look just like my mother",
          go home and get your big brother
          and have him snapped up.

          Now what you gigglin' for?
          Look here this ain't funny!
          hee hee hee the devil!
          You better pay attention to me now listen up,
          don't listen to nobody but me now.

          Don't listen to Big Moe, don't listen to Little Moe,
          don't listen to no no, or No Moe whatever that childs
          name is over near Nomax don't listen to eat Moe
          don't listen to nobody but me alright.

          If something happen to you this summer
          you say I didn't tell you "alright",
          now this is some knowledge I use myself,
          I got this jive straight from the shelf
          and it's known to be successful to a marked degree,
          and baby I'm givin' it to you for free, alright!

          Now if you wanna go for a ride in the car,
          don't stay too long and don't go too far,
          and if he syas "darlin, darlin, you know i feel so lucky",
          go tell that man to catch a train to Kentucky.

          And if he says you know, ooh baby baby,
          you know you look groovy,
          I think I'm gonna put you in a movie,
          hey! he ain't no talent scout
          he don't know what it's all about
          and if he laughs at all your jokes
          says your brand is all he smokes
          he drinks nothing but cokes
          he wants to meet your folks
          don't believe him baby, it's a hoax, alright
          tell him to get lost
          coz he ain't nothing but a moose.

          And if he says "Hey sugar, I'm on the square"
          go home and leave him right there, leave him right there
          and if he says "Hello baby, you look great,
          I'm gonna take you on a date"
          He ain't nothing but a fake
          go tell him to go jump in the lake.

          What you sitting up there gigglin' for?
          you know you'd be surprised at what them men
          are framin' up on doin' this summer
          and if somethin' happened to you
          you'd say I didn't tell you
          so listen to what I'm tellin' you
          look at what I'm puttin' down alright?

          Here it is,
          now if he buys you clothes
          and nylon hose
          and takes you round the nation
          on a two week vacation
          buys you diamond rings, mink coats and everything
          and he's the mellow creature who wants
          to see the preacher
          well, you don't have to look out baby
          take him home to momma

          ALL:
          Look out

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          Now listen girls, don't tease him just squeeze him
          because that's your main squeezy easy!

          ALL:
          Look out sister, you better look out
          look out!

      23.Choo Choo Ch'boogie  

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          All aboard

          LITTLE MOE:
          Headin' for the station with a pack on my back
          I'm tired of transportation in the back of a hack
          I'd love to hear the rhythm of the clicketty clack
          and hear the lonesome whistle see the smoke
          from the stack
          and pal around with the democratic fellows named Mac
          take me right back to the track Jack.

          ALL:
          Choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
          woo woo, woo woo, ch'boogie
          choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
          take me right back to the track Jack.

          LITTLE MOE:
          You reach your destination but alas and alack
          you need some compensation to get back in the black
          you take a morning paper from the top of the stack
          and read the situations from the front to the back
          the only job that's open need a man with a knack
          so put it right back in the rack Jack.

          ALL:
          Choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
          woo woo, woo woo, ch'boogie
          choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
          take me right back to the track Jack.

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          I'm gonna settle down by the railroad track
          live the life of reilly in a beaten down shack
          so when I hear the whistle I can peep through the crack
          and watch the train a-rolling when it's balling the jack
          for I just love the rhythm of the clicketty clack
          so take me right back to the track jack.

          ALL:
          Choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
          woo woo, woo woo, ch'boogie
          choo choo, choo choo, ch'boogie
          take me right back to the track Jack.

          ALL:                                    LITTLE MOE:
          Take me                                 I'm heading for the station
          Take me                                 and I need some transportation
          Take me                                 so I reach my destination
          Take me right back to the track jack.

          ALL:                                    LITTLE MOE:
          Take me                                 Yeah I'll reach my destination
          Take me                                 and I need some compensation
          Take me                                 so I read the situations
          Take me right back to the track Jack.


      24.Medley  

          HURRY HOME

          BIG MOE:
          I had to call you on the phone
          because I feel so all alone

          EAT MOE:
          Don't like this being on my own
          cantcha, wontcha hurry home


          I KNOW WHAT I'VE GOT

          NOMAX:
          Everything was fine
          then I got out of line

          NO MOE:
          But still 'n' all I'm sticking like glue
          coz I know what I've got
          but I don't know what I'm gettin'
          so baby I'm with you.

          FOUR EYED MOE:
          I made an awful big mistake
          oh what a difference love can make
          please give my heart another break
          cantcha, wontcha hurry home.

          I've learned a lot that I didn't know
          I was a fool when I let you go

          LITTLE MOE:
          Since you've been gone it's all very clear

          ALL:
          Life is just an empty thing without you dear

          IS YOU IS OR IS YOU AINT MY BABY

          All:
          Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
          The way you're acting lately makes me doubt
          Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
          Seems my flame in your hearts done gone out.

          my friends say I could do a lot better
          if this keeps up I'll soon need a nurse
          I know I can't do any better
          but believe me I could do a lot worse.

          Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
          The way you're acting lately makes me doubt
          Is you is or is you ain't my baby?
          Seems my flame in your hearts done gone out
          When the moon goes down in the dawnin'
          and the sun comes up in the mornin'
          don't let the sun catch you cryin'
          when the moon goes down in the dawnin'
          don't let the sun catch you cryin'
          if your baby don't want you no more,
          no more,
          no more,
          noe more.

      25.Five Guys Named Moe (reprise)  

          FIVE GUYS:
          We came out of nowhere
          that don't mean a thing
          we rate high and you'll know why
          when you hear us sing.

          We're the greatest band around
          makes the cats jump up and down
          we're the talk of rhythm town
          five guys named Moe
          not one guy
          not two guys
          not three guys
          not four guys
          but five guys name Moe

          That's us!